


Absent student

by Ultimate_Otaku_Girl



Series: Komahina fluffs [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: AU, Absent Student, Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Boys In Love, Detective AU, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Komahina - Freeform, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Yaoi, alternative universe, transfer student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:05:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13459821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimate_Otaku_Girl/pseuds/Ultimate_Otaku_Girl
Summary: Class 77th of Hope's Peak Academy seems completely normal at the first glace but a trasfer student, whose name's Hajime Hinata, learns that there is more than meets the eye. From the first day at his new school one cretain empty desk picks up his interest and makes him want to uncover the mystery hiding behind it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ It's my 4th komahina story on ao3 and I hope you'll enjoy it! I've started writing it already months ago, but didn't feel like posting since back then I hadn't finished any of my three other stories ;w; But the end of my first story is now the beginning of this new one :3 The story is basically a slight drama with fluff and lots of (hopefully) nice mysteries which may seem obvious, but I hope they will at least be somewhat interesting. 
> 
> The fic will probably have 5-10 chapters. 
> 
> If you like the chapter, I'll appreciate any kind of opinion! <3

_Today will be my first day at the new school. My father had got a better job offer, so we had to move out to an other city. Most of people would be sad and upset about leaving their schools in the middle of a school year, but it was not like this in my case. At my previous school I haven't made a single friend, god not to mention that I hardly even opened my mouth and involved myself in any decent conversation either with my classmates and teachers. At some point, I might've even wanted to change that, but I realized all of that too fucking late and everyone has been ignoring my existence by then. I couldn't blame them though; I was too focused on learning, getting good marks and doing what my parents wanted me to do._

_But now everything is going to change. Haha, I feel that even I can have a new fresh start. I want to spend time with my new classmates, talk a lot with them, laugh at stupid things just like every average kid does. Besides me that is._

_I don't give a shit about my parents' opinion anymore. I'm going to have the best year of my whole fucking life with the people behind that damn door!_ I said to myself in my thoughts while fixing my freshly bought green tie. I used to not care about the way I looked, but.. I wanted to look decent. I wanted to come off as a nice-looking, kind type of guy- despite being the exact opposite of it.

I slowly opened the door and a warm breeze blew at me. It smelled nice and sweet, like fresh petals of blossoming cherry tree. It was a scent which I totally loved and it alone has already made the day for me. I stepped into the classroom and wandered with my gaze through the faces of my new classmates. I tried to flicker my eyes from one to another to not seem as a creep nor interested in any specific one of them. Their faces gave off a warm feeling, they must've been nice and interesting people. I was glad to find myself in a class full of people who seemed to have their own, unique interests.

"Everyone! Please calm down, I want to introduce you someone.." tall and young looking teacher with a ginger hair pinned in a high ponytail smiled encouragingly at me. Her eyes had a light green tinge and I had a feeling that she was a person made for their profession just by looking into her kind eyes.

"M-my name is Hajime Hinata. Nice to meet you." I stuttered, cursing myself in my thoughts for ruining my introduction while bowing before them.

"Oh!" shouted slightly in excitement girl with fair hair. The way she put her hand over her mouth and the widening of her eyes were both pretty comical. "Aren't you the son of that famous doctor Mr. Hinata?" she asked with a clear hint of curiosity. "He's like a VIP! They even talked about him in TV!" she was almost shouting it. I couldn't believe there still were some teenagers watching that fucking crap in television. "I can't believe that I have this honor to see the son of such a great Japanese doctor! I think.." she stood up. Her eyes were indicating strong admiration she felt towards my father. "th-that he's a real hero! No one in Japan has saved as many lives as he did!" our teacher cut her speech by pleading her with her eyes to sit down and get rid of unnecessary excitement, which could make me feel uneasy.

"Yeah.. I guess I am, haha." I brushed awkwardly my fingers through my dark, spiky hair feeling depressed after imagining my father's judging, sullen face in my head. I shivered. All the bad memories did a thing to me. I shook my head not wanting to waste any further time for that  _asshole._  Yeah.  _Fucking asshole_. "Even so, don't expect anything extraordinary from me.. I'm just a plain student, I'm not  _anything_  like my father." I said firmly while sighing. I had hoped they wouldn't find out about my blood connection with that person. I didn't want to be compared to him. I didn't want to hear any fucking word about-

"You're so cool!" shouted a girl with a lot of piercing on her face. Too much for my taste. Her sudden shout almost made me startled. I wondered who shouts so loudly for no reason or whatsoever?

"I hope you all will get along well with him." she looked a pink haired girl in a green hoodie that was pressing intensely her console's buttons. She had a short cream skirt and a pink ribbon, which was in the very same shade of pink as her intensely pink eyes, tied around the collar of her white shirt. She looked really cute. "I hope you'll show him around our school." a long silence followed her words. "Nanami-san, are you even listening?" she frowned. Albeit she seemed kind of mad, judging only by the fact that her arms found their way over her chest crossing with each other, she still came off as nice. I guessed the girl, who went by a name 'Nanami', was more interested in her games than the things which were taking place around her and the teacher has already gotten used to it.

"Yes, Yukizome-sensei." she said while still looking at her console's screen. It made that well known 'game over' sound and she seemed irritated when her eyes laid on me lazily. She was almost scowling. "Why have I agreed to become a class president..?" she muttered to herself as she looked back at her device probably starting her game over.

"You can sit next to that empty desk in the back of the classroom." She said while pointing at it. I led my eyes to the direction she had pointed out. "Now.. let's resume our homeroom." she said while smiling sincerely. She must've loved being a teacher.

I sat at the desk next to the window and took a thin note out of my bag. Since I didn't know where to lay my eyes I eventually rested my gaze at the empty desk next to me.  _Why is it empty in the first place?_  I was very curious, honestly. In most of the Japanese schools, the amount of desks is proportional to the number of students but on the other hand.. there was a spare desk for me, so I could be mistaken. But even after taking it into my consideration, I engaged myself in creating some interesting theories about the occurrence.

Totally pushing away the boring explanation of it.

_Is his person absent because of an illness of some sort? Or.. maybe he or she is some kind of a delinquent? I guess I'll just ask someone later to fill me in. I don't like being the only unaware one. Others must know at least something about that person, like.. they are probably even friends with them, so it'd even seem right if I asked about it._

And so my first classes passed really quick. I packed my notes and headed back to my house. I wished I could stay at school though.. I hated being at home. Not that I hated the place itself, for instance, my room was rather nice and comfy although I had in it only necessary things—my parents believed that having too many things in my room would only deconcentrate me from studying—but it was all my parents' fault. They weren't _just_  strict with me, take my word for it.

 

 

At first, the phenomenon of the desk next to me being empty didn't matter much to me. Yes, I considered it as intriguing from the very beginning, but.. it was actually after two weeks of me attending this school when my interest towards the case started getting out of my control.

In the meantime, I got along quite well with the people from my class so I decided to use the fact in order to get as much information about 'the absent classmate' as I only could.. yeah. I was a dick and I was well aware of it. It was funny how I was risking my freshly made friendships with them for the sake of feeding my curiosity.

The first thing that felt off was.. the fact of no one actually mentioning the absent student in any conversation. ANY at all. Normally you would mention someone's absence once or twice (at least girls should've been talking about this and being all-worried). I thought it was disturbing—especially if someone really used to be sitting at that desk—that everyone acted as if the absent student has never existed in the first place.

So.. Trying to overhear any information about the person was useless. I decided to risk and ask my classmates directly.

_In the worst scenario.. they will just stop liking me, right?_

That didn't matter to me at all, to be honest. The absent student's mystery seemed far more thrilling and exciting than getting along with my classmates. They were indeed very nice, but.. something inside me was craving for a thrill that would shake my boring life. It's not like I forgot about my wish from two weeks ago to be a normal kid and stuff, however, I just had to uncover that mystery. Or more like.. I wanted to be uncovering it. I didn't just want to know the truth. It was more like if.. I wanted this mystery to entertain me. Yes.. I think I wanted at first to play a role of a detective of some sorts as childish as it sounds.

I firstly asked Mioda Ibuki about this matter. She seemed like the most cheerful person in the whole class.. so what could possibly go wrong? If I stepped on some kind of a border I could always laugh everything off and turn into a joke or something.

"Ibuki, can I ask you a question..?" I smiled as nicely as I only could.  _I've heard somewhere that smiling is the key in communicating with others. That would mean.. that I could get more information from them, right?_

"Sure!" she jumped a bit. She for sure looked excited. "Ibuki loves questions!!" she grinned. "Do you want to ask me about my favourite band, singer, playlist, song, instrument, or maybe you want to ask Ibuki out on some con- mmnhh." I shut her with my hand. She for sure can talk a lot.

"No. Any of those." I tried to not seem annoyed nor pissed off. After all, I was the one who approached her. "I was just wondering.. you know... about this empty desk right there.." I took my hand away from her mouth and pointed at it. "Is like.. anyone sitting there or something?" I tried to sound uninterested. I was well aware of that there must've been a good reason to why no one mentioned this person.

Ibuki's face darkened slightly. "Why are you asking?" her voice was quite cold. It was a shock to see a bright person of her kind acting in that way, not mentioning the chills I got from her sudden change of expression and tone of voice. "Ahh, for no particular reason, really~" I faked a careless smile. "Just, y'know.. I'm feeling lonely. Don't you think it's damn unfair that I have a one deskmate less? Haha." it was an obvious lie. But she didn't question it, furthermore, my statement made her concerned about my well-being. "OHH! Ibuki can spend more time with you then..!" she laughed cheerfully, while taking a step closer to me, but I instinctually distanced myself from her shaking my hands energetically. "No, no.. there's no need to, though, I appreciate your intentions."  _oh my God, please no. I don't like people clinging to me. Especially not people of her likes._ It wasn't like I didn't like her in particular, but she  _really_ wasn't my type. "As you wish, Hinata-chan~" I cringed. God. I smiled back at her sucking up my pride.

I asked my other classmates the same question. There were a few kinds of answers. If I tried to categorize them it would be like this: First response—pretending the desk was always empty. Second—brushing off the question by changing the topic or pretending that I've never even asked about it. Third—being angry, sad or disgusted all of sudden like, for example, Sonia-san. I swear that I saw some suppressed tears in her eyes.

You didn't have to be a genius to realize that the absent student's case was a taboo in this class. Outside the class, well.. nobody really knew anything. It made me feel that it must've been some serious deal with that person if someone put an effort to prevent rumors from spreading throughout the school.

I finally decided to ask Nanami—the class president—about it. I opted to be outright with her. She seemed like a very intelligent person.. at least my intuition told me so. Well.. I had a hunch that if I tried any smooth talk with her, she could sense that I'm being fishy or something so being honest with her seemed like a legit plan.

"Nanami.. You're the class president, so you should know something about one particular thing, right?" I smiled politely. I was neither smooth nor rude. Just polite.

She put her console down on her thighs and looked at me with her usual sleepy eyes. I hoped she wasn't going to dislike me afterwards. I quite liked her.. probably the most from all the others. "You mean..  _the desk_ , right, Hinata-kun?" she yawned. She came off as uninterested, but I knew that she was faking it; she didn't want me to feel worked up for her answer. "Can't you just accept the fact that it's empty for no reason at all..?" she stretched her arms up and hummed.

"No." I stated firmly. I didn't feel like backing off from the matter after all the research I had done already.

"Fine." she took the pink Nintendo back to her hands. I thought she was going to end our conversation there, however, I was pleasantly surprised when she spoke to me once again. "I admit that you're not wrong that there was a person sitting there once, happy?"  _I knew it! I love being the one who's right._  "But, for your own sake, you shouldn't get too involved with that person. Believe me.. you just don't want to." she smiled sadly. "You're smart enough to do it, aren't you?" she raised one eyebrow somehow knowing that I wasn't.

"Mhm.." I murmured, clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes on the side. I had no intention of giving up. She must've seen my determination as she looked at me. Then again she just sighed and broke off any contact with reality.  _She is really into games, isn't she?_ I unconsciously smiled at her and sat on my own chair.

Nanami, obviously, didn't manage to stop me; knowing that I was right about the desk only encouraged me to get started with a more daring investigation the next day.  _First thing, which I want to investigate and seems weird to me, is the fact that Yukizome-sensei has never read the absent student's name whilst checking our presence. Like.. why? One of the reason might be that she and the other teachers know that this person simply won't come back to school any time soon. It feels as if they were desperately trying to erase the absent student's existence._

_But they won't fool me. Teachers can avoid reading their name but I still know that this person exists. I'm sure of it, because of the empty desk and Nanami telling me it directly._

I thought I could learn something by looking at Yukizome-sensei's attendance register. I had a chance to get a nice glimpse of it at a long break after the lunch one when almost everyone was out of the class in order to spend some time outside to breathe with some fresh air.

As soon as I was the only person in the class I clutched desperately the attendance register.  _Why am I so nervous?_  My hands were shaking as I was opening it. I swallowed down feeling worse and worse when hesitation and guilt started kicking in.  _Why do I even feel that overwhelming need to know their name?_

I traced my finger through all of the names in order to find the unfamiliar one. This was probably the meanest test for a social ignorant as me. I remembered some names.. but not all of them for sure. Like.. when I read 'Gundham Tanaka' I couldn't picture the person in my head.

Nonetheless, I didn't give up. I slowly slid my trembling finger down. Soon my finger stopped on a name that I'd never heard of. Not even somewhere else. It was bizarre and unique, not in a bad meaning, I liked it. I was sure that none of my classmates went by that name.

I felt a sudden wave of warmth washing over me as an idea of saying his name out loud bloomed in the head of mine. "K-Komaeda.." I said hesitantly at first, stuttering. A lot. I was so embarrassed. "Nagito Komaeda." I smiled unconsciously. My smile was genuine, warm and betrayed the overwhelming need, that I felt, to get to know him better.  _This is a very beautiful name. I think.. it belongs to a male student? It is not a girlish name after all.._

My heartbeat got faster, I swear my heart was doing some fucking backflips in my chest.  _That's weird.. I feel weird. I've never even seen that guy. I can't even picture him in my head. Why do I feel some kind of an indescribable connection between us then..?_

I heard someone's footsteps, so I closed the register in a great rush and went over my table pretending that I wasn't doing anything suspicious just a moment ago.

_I need to think of some good plan to what should I do next.. I've got to know that the absent student is actually called Nagito Komaeda. How can I use this information? What my next move should be..?_

The footsteps got louder, then I saw Souda entering the classroom.  _I'm_   _quite lucky that it's him._   _I don't want to say that he's dumb, because he's not... but he's just very naive and easily gets provoked. I can use this fact and without much effort._  I smirked. I was quite mischievous, wasn't I?

"Hmm.." I tried to get his attention with a long humming sound, that would make a person who was deep in thoughts or concerned about something. "What is it, Hinata?" Souda hit me encouragingly on my back. "Is something bothering you, dude?" he grinned.

"Huh?" I tried to seem surprised. "Me?" I pointed at myself and looked on sides pretending that I forgot that I had been all alone in the class, before he joined me. "No.. It's just..." I looked down making an expression which indicated that I didn't want to bother him with my problems. There was a short silence between us. He took a chair from before the desk ahead of mine and positioned it next to mine so that we were facing each other with him sitting on it and encouraging me to speak up even more with this gesture.

"Come on.. you can tell me anything!" he laughed in a friendly way assuring me that he was ready to help me any way he could, sadly, not knowing that he was being manipulated. 

"Well, y'know... Yukizome-sensei told me about Komaeda." I saw disgust and fear painted all over his face.  _Yeah. I lied. I'm the worst, but it doesn't really matter. As long as I can move forward with my investigation, I don't mind lying. Even to my classmates who are very nice towards me._

"S-she did..?" he seemed plainly shocked. I nodded assuring him. "You should keep it for yourself then. We all agreed to not talk about Ko-" he had some difficulties with even saying his name. What the actual fuck. "..that guy ever again since he stopped attending any classes over a month ago and after all of those terrible things that happened right before that." Souda was pale like a wall or a ghost. "I-I'll go now.. fine?" he smiled nervously as he grabbed some water and went away.  _Komaeda's topic is awakening mostly negative feelings. I wonder why..._  I wrote his name down in my notebook and drew a small flower next to it because it seemed to suit the name somehow.

 _Thanks to Souda I have now at least some basic information._  I wrote them down in my notebook under the name just in case I forgot about them.

 

\- a week later -

It was a hard week for me. I tried hard to gather more data about Komaeda.. but it was nearly impossible. My classmates didn't want to say even a word about him anymore, literally, no one was up to talking about his case, even the sneaky methods of making them talk were pointless. I was probably in a place you could call 'the dead end'.

So I.. gave up. At least I tried to force myself to give up in order to not go insane. The name drilled into my head and I was repeating it over and over and over again wondering what kind of person they are.

 _Why am I so obsessed about Komaeda in the first place? It's not like I've ever met him or anything. I just saw an empty desk, got interested in the cause of the occurrence, then sneaked to catch a glimpse of the attendance register and peeked at the list of students' names and.. finally got to know the absent student's name. Nagito Komaeda. Komaeda.. Komaeda..._ I shook my head. Thinking about his name alone wasn't leading me to anywhere. It was just making me feel like a creep.

However, I couldn't think of any way to go on with my investigation. My head felt so empty. So.. I decided to focus more on spending some good time with my classmates. It was fun, but.. my eyes almost always were fixed on that empty fucking desk. The more I tried to forget about the mystery hiding behind Komaeda's absence, the more it was consuming me.

And one day, when I was walking down a hallway, I accidentally overheard Komaeda's name in someone's conversation. Two teachers, one of them was Yukizome-sensei, were talking about him in the teachers' room.  _Don't stop going Hajime.. Don't stop. You can't do it. Eavesdropping is not good...._  I sneaked near the room and started listening secretly to the teachers' conversation. I was such a scumbag.

"...must be tough for you. I feel sorry for you that he was assigned to your class." the other teacher laughed. I wasn't sure if he was concerned about the women, he seemed to just be mad at something or someone. "N-no, you're wrong! Komaeda-kun is a good kid!" Yukizome-sensei seemed troubled. "H-he.. just has some problems." she stuttered.

My heart was beating like crazy.  _Is it because I'm doing something slightly illegal, or because.. I finally have a chance to hear something more about him? Probably both_. I smiled idiotically.

"Don't tell me you're still siding with that kid..?" the teacher's tone of voice was a bit too harsh in my opinion, almost disrespectful. I felt sorry for Yukizome-sensei _. She really is the kindest teacher I've ever met so far._ "After all those things he's done to himself, no.. to ALL of your students and even you?! You must've finally realized by now that he's just fucking insane!" he said angrily while hitting his fist against a table.

_What did Komaeda do..? That teacher talks about him as if he did some seriously bad things.. But that's too cruel to talk like that about someone either way._

"I know he did some terrible things in the past, but I'm sure that all of it can be somehow explained!" she was upset and did her best at trying to soothe the other teacher. "It's still not too late to help him, I'm sure of it!" she seemed desperate to some degree.

"Are you sure of it..?" the teacher snickered. His voice came off as ironic. "You know that just a few days ago he overdosed some sleeping pills, right? He tried to kill himself once again! That kid is not only a real pain in the ass, because he's being disrespectful towards everyone and doing fucked up things that only god can understand, but he as well doesn't know how to treasure his own life..! I hate the likes of him..." I wanted to punch that teacher by now. He was acting like he had all the knowledge of the world packed in the little brain of his.

Although I was mad I felt shaken whilst realizing something. _H-he tried.. WHAT?!_ I felt that my heart suddenly stopped beating for a brief moment then a not slight pain struck my heart.

"I won't let you badmouth any of my students. I care about each and every of them equally. Now if you excuse me, I need to go already.." I heard some footsteps and a soft 'click' of the doorknob.

I quickly backed off from the door and went forward not even peeking behind. I didn't want to look suspicious after all. I got back to the classroom and the classes soon resumed.

Yes. They were incredibly boring. Or I just couldn't focus on them because of Komaeda. I know, I know. I was weird to keep thinking about the guy all the time.. but... I just needed to see him. Since the very beginning, I had this strange feeling inside of me, like if I was the only person who could uncover the mystery and help Komaeda.

The lessons soon ended. After school, I was almost always forced to learn by my father. I hated learning. He used to say that if I want to be a good doctor as him, I need to pay more attention to the classes and learn more on my own. The problem is... that I don't want to be like him at all. And especially, I don't want to be a doctor but he doesn't want to acknowledge it and still forces me to do what he wants ignoring my will.

However, today I didn't feel like learning at all. I have to say that I rarely was rebelling. After all, my father had his ways to motivate me with his punishments like.. for instance, throwing my favourite books away, slapping my face, shouting.. and because today my mood was rather bad I locked up my room, opened the window and jumped out of it. I was living with my parents on the first floor so it wasn't a big deal, though, I'd never done that before. It was my first time 'running away from home'.

I was walking ahead without any aim nor purpose. Everything was better than staying there and learning about some dumb shit just to satisfy my dad, really.. like I didn't give a crap about all of that medical shit. I didn't want to be 'a hero' as my father nor a 'trustworthy' lawyer as my mom. If people knew how fucked up my parents were, they wouldn't be praising them the way they did.

It was slowly getting dark, but I still didn't feel like going back home. I was walking and walking and walking.. when suddenly I felt something wet on my shoulder.. and then on my nose.. and on my forehead.. and then.. without any warning, rain started pouring down like crazy.

"OH SHIT-" I didn't take any jacket nor anything of this sort with me, not mentioning an umbrella. I started looking around for a shelter. "Where the heck am I even..?" I was walking around aimlessly for so long that I practically ended up at the edge of the town. There were no houses around, nothing but a route and trees. I had no other choice then go ahead hoping that I'd find some shelter eventually. I swear, I was already drenched as fuck by the rain but I didn't want to drench even more.

Just when I thought about giving up and trying to get back from where I came, I suddenly saw a building. A big one. As I came closer to it, I saw that it was really impressive. It looked like a mansion of some very rich people.  _There's no way that they'll let in someone who looks like a stray dog to such a beautiful mansion... but.. there is actually nothing to lose. I'll try. Maybe they are good rich people haha.._

I was very close to the door. Around the mansion, you could see some beautiful flowers. I recognized rose bushes, white and red ones, magnolias, some.. red dahlias. Even an ignorant as me (if it comes to plants) realized that someone from the mansion really cared about them. It wasn't like I couldn't appreciate their prettiness, I actually was gaping at all of the vivid colors and smells I was experiencing with my senses and cursed under my nose that it was raining now, but more like I would never engage myself in taking care of plants. I would most likely kill the poor beauties with my lack of knowledge about the way they should be taken care of.

I assumed things yet again. I clicked my tongue. They might've had just a decent gardener.

I knocked on the door hesitantly. I waited some time for any kind of response. No answer. Then I knocked a few more times with more confidence. I waited maybe.. a few minutes? Still no answer.

And just when I thought about giving up on knocking and spending some time until the rain would stop under a garden bower, the door creaked and opened slightly. It really surprised me.  _Who opens doors like that even?_

"W-who's that..?" the person behind the door stuttered a question. From their voice, I could guess that they were very startled, even scared. I wondered why. It wasn't like I was going to kill them, was I?

"I was just passing by and was taken off guard by the sudden rain.. I know it's quite bold of me.. But wouldn't it be too much of trouble to you, mister, if I stopped in here till the rain stops pouring like this..?" I tried to choose the most polite words I could only think of. I was feeling really cold and was soaked so much... I was craving for sheltering myself in a warm house. A warm drink was honestly my dream at the moment.

The door opened a little bit more. I could see the host's face now, not too clearly though at first. The person behind the door seemed to be a young boy around my age. He was only a bit taller than me. His skin was fairly pale.. and his eyes were grey with a shed of green in it. The boy's hair looked really interesting. It was white and a bit reddish at its tips. But what attracted my eyes the most was actually its fluffiness. It was so fluffy and looked so nice in touch that it all made me want to sink my hand in it and experience its softness with my own two hands while patting it till I would feel satisfied.

"W-well.." his voice was hesitant and raspy as if it hadn't been used that much lately. I noted that albeit it seemed raspy, its tone was delicate and lovely. "Sure... no problem." He opened the door a little wider. I felt guilty, my presence seemed to trouble him, however, I had already decided to use his hospitality.

"Thank you very much! You're literally saving my life." I smiled sincerely. He blushed a bit, his eyes widened in shock. "N-no need to thank me! I'm not worthy of your gratitude." he laughed a bit while hiding half of his face behind his hands.

I found his reply kind of weird. Maybe he was just troubled by my words for some unknown for me reason. "Please, come in." I smiled gratefully once again and stepped inside of the mansion. I left my soaked shoes in the hallway and followed him, not noticing that I was leaving wet footprints behind me.  _Ahh, it's a great relief to finally be under some roof._ Water was dripping down from my clothes, hair, it was also sliding down my arms.. "Can you wait here for a moment..? I will get you some towel." the way he treated me, even though I was a stranger, made me feel very happy and special. I looked down at myself and felt bad for looking like a fucking mess.

I gazed around. The place was quite dusty, it didn't seem to have a lot of usage traces. It was quite a big place, nevertheless, its silence was pretty eerie. It was even a bit depressing in my opinion.  _Maybe he's the only one living here..?_ I shook my head. It would be too strange and unrealistic.. He didn't look like an adult at all. He might've even been in the same age as me judging by his young appearance. So why would he live alone in this sort of mansion in that case?

He came back really quick with a towel set in his hands. "Here you are..." he looked nervous as if he didn't know how he was supposed to deal with me. Maybe my presence was too much for him to take. Like.. I was ruining his day or wasting his time. I sucked up all the unsaid worries though and threw him the nicest expression I was able to make. "Thank you." I started drying my wet hair with it. More specifically I just ruffled my hair with it lazily. He gave me even a set of slippers which was really considerate of him.

The atmosphere was quite tense.  _Have I already done something wrong..?_

"So.. can I sit anywhere..?" I just wanted to stop the awkward silence between us, I didn't really care about standing in the hallway. "I-I'm sorry!" he sighed. "I'm not really a good host, am I?" he laughed in a slight embarrassment. He looked way more beautiful while laughing. "Maybe I should offer you getting a shower and changing into fresh clothes before it?" he tilted his head and I thought it was the most adorable thing I'd seen in my life so far. The way his hair fell onto his shoulder and his eyes gazed into mine with fondness was too intimidating for me to take.

"Or we can move to the living room if you are not comfortable enough with it." he suggested and I nodded. I was glad he didn't question the pink tinge on my cheeks which luckily faded away soon after. I agreed, but it wasn't like I didn't trust the host enough to take a shower in their bathroom, but I just didn't want to be a bother to him.

He was avoiding my gaze all the time, except that one time, and most likely on purpose but I didn't blame him for doing so. We were strangers to each other after all.

"If it isn't too much of bother to you.. then yeah, sounds good to me." he went ahead and I followed him. I was listening to the rain in the meanwhile. It didn't look as if it was going to stop soon..  _I hope it'll stop raining still today_.  _I wouldn't want to spend the night in a place like that with a person I don't know anything about._  I really felt weird here. If I was a kid, I would consider this place as hunted and the boy as a ghost which was perhaps guarding it.

We reached the living room, he pointed at a couch and told me that I could sit there, so I did and he joined me in that. The couch was pretty close to a fireplace so it was very warm and nice. Soon I started feeling a bit more at ease. "So.. for what reason are you here..?" he tilted his head yet again. His eyes were stuck on the floor though. "Did someone force you to come here?" His voice came off as harsh.

"What do you mean..?" I frowned. "I was just passing by, as I said. I moved to this town a few weeks ago.. I went outside for a little walk and somehow ended up here." I laughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry, if I'm troubling you.." I blurred out my worries out rather unconsciously.

"N-no! Don't apologize me.. It's okay.." he blushed. "You're very kind.." he brushed his hand through his hair, his eyes were still focused on the floor as he probably didn't want to have any eye contact with me. "You shouldn't bother yourself to be kind to trash like me.. It's just a waste of time anyway." his face darkened, however, he forced himself to smile.  _Well.. it would look like a normal smile to everyone but I tend to fake smiling on daily basis, so I've learned how to recognize when someone fakes it as the side effect._

_This guy for sure looks like a mystery itself. To call himself trash.. he's probably more interesting than any of my classmates, excluding the absent one, since Komaeda made a pretty big impression on me. Even though I haven't met him yet._

"Well.. I'm not that kind, really." I chuckled. I didn't really know how should I respond to that. "Can I ask you one question?" he nodded hesitantly. "I'm quite curious about something.." I said while pondering. "Are you by any chance the person who takes care about all of those beautiful plants in the garden?" his eyes became livelier and cheeks tinted with some pink.

"Oh yes! Indeed~" he finally looked into my eyes. His smile was really breathtaking.  _He really loves taking care of plants, doesn't he?_

After that question atmosphere became way more pleasant. We started talking about some random things without any awkwardness between us.  _I learned that we have a similar taste when it came to books, actually we even share our favourite one. This guy has also an uncommon tendency to talk about himself badly, but seems like an awesome person! Even though we know each other for no more than an hour, I feel sad when he tells bad things about himself. That reminds me.. I don't know his name yet, do I?_

"...and, you know-" I sneezed loudly all of sudden. "Are you alright..?" he asked with concern.

"Y-yeah.. " I sneezed once again. "I'm fine. Thank you for your concern.." I smiled warmly.  _It's weird. His concern made me very happy._

"Oh! I have a great idea.." he clapped.  _Oh, I wonder what he's so excited for._ "Huh?" I frowned. "What-" a thunder's roar and sudden breakout interrupted me. Everything around me became pitch black. I couldn't see anything excluding the moment when the sky was brightened by some stunning thunderbolts.

"Whoa~" if I saw him, he probably would have eyes widely opened in excitement, that's how imagined his expression at least. "So beautiful.." he said softly in admiration.

I laughed quietly to not disturb him. He sounded like a kid to me which was seeing a storm for the very first time.  _Well.. I can agree that it indeed looks beautiful, but as long as the storm lasts, I can't really go home safely. Not that I really wanted to go back there... there is a slight possibility that my dad actually realized that I ran away. He's always very strict towards me, but when he gets mad.. well.. let's just say my free time doesn't exist anymore._

"What was your idea, by the way..?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Oh. I totally forgot about it." he laughed carefreely. "Give me a second~" he said with a melodic voice. "I'll be right back." I heard as he stood up from the couch and then some light footsteps getting quieter and quieter step by step.  _I wonder, how is he able to see in such darkness? I'd most likely trip over already even while standing up._

Somewhat around ten minutes had passed and he still didn't come back.  _I wonder.. where and for what reason exactly did he go?_ I stopped wondering about when I smelled a delicate and very sweet scent in the air.

"I'm back." I felt something warm in my hands. "You can treat it as an apology for being trapped in a place like this with a person like me.." he laughed at that but it didn't seem funny to me.

_I would say to him that being trapped here with him was the best thing that has happened to me lately, excluding the mystery of the absent student, but I don't want to sound as if my life was boring as fuck. Well.. it is. But he doesn't need to know that._

I was holding a mug in my hands. I sipped its content. It was a hot chocolate with.. some marshmallows. It was very good! "Thank you.. it's really delicious!" I sipped some more of it.

"Y-you're too kind to me..! I don't deserve such nice words! I'm glad it's not tasting too awful though.."  _I'd gladly see his face right now. I bet he's blushing. He looks really adorable with blushes on his cheeks._

Admiring the storm while sipping some hot chocolate in a complete darkness with a guy, whose name I'd love to know, was really pleasurable, to me at least, but the thunders soon stopped and the lights lighted up once again. I didn't complain though, it was nice to see him once again.

He was having some hot chocolate as well.

Suddenly, I started feeling really hot.  _What's going on..? Is it because of the drink that I feel so much warmer all of sudden? I feel dizzy too... I think I need to get going before something bad will happen. I can't trouble this person more than I already did, even though spending time with him is really enjoyable._

"I think I need to get going.." I coughed.  _Why do I feel so bad? Have I perhaps caught a cold or something..?_  "It doesn't rain so much anymore so I'll probably be fine. Thank you for your hospitality.."  _Ehh.. my head is killing me. I probably have a slight fever or something like this. Not that I care._

"Oh, I didn't do anything for which you should thank me~" he smiled awkwardly but I saw in his eyes that he was happy to hear that.

We went to the front door. I was going to open the door when he grabbed my shirt softly from behind. "Before you go.. I want to know one thing." he looked shy all of sudden. I turned to face him once again. "What's your name?" he asked. "I know it's the last time we're seeing each other.. but could you tell me it anyway..?" he looked sad.  _Has he already grown attached to me or was he plainly good with words?_   _I'm not glad that I won't see this guy ever again. Spending time with him was so much nicer than all the lonely days which I spent before books. Really._

"Ahh, I'm sorry. I haven't introduced myself yet, have I?" I reached my hand to him in order to shake hands with the boy. "My name's Hajime Hinata. I moved to this town just a few weeks ago." he grabbed my hand lightly not without hesitation. "I'm Nagito Komaeda. Nice to meet you, Hinata-kun~" he smiled warmly.

Everything started swirling around me.  _Komaeda.. Nagito... KOMAEDA NAGITO?! That can't be true.. that's too much of a coincidence! Such things can happen in manga or something.. but not in REALITY!_ I felt too dizzy, I couldn't even keep my balance anymore.  _Is it because of my fever? Or because of the fact I've just learned about the boy. Maybe both?_

I fell on the floor and lost consciousness.  _Last thing that I remember from before collapsing was him shaking my shoulders, I could see as well as his lips were moving, he was saying, shouting, yelling something at me? I couldn't tell._   _But judging by his expression, he was worried about me._

I remember as well that I smiled before closing my eyes for good. I felt so excited. After all, I was at the absent student's house! I'd finally met him and without even realizing it. Also, I remember having this weird feeling inside my chest. My heartbeat was a little bit faster than it should.

 

\- later -

I woke up laying on a bed covered with some thick duvet. I had something wet on my forehead. I touched it, it was some towel soaked with icy cold water. I coughed. I still felt bad but not as bad as before.  _I wonder.. for how long exactly am I laying here..?_

I heard door's creaking. Komaeda came to the room. "Oh! You're finally awake.." he stood next to me and took the towel off from my forehead. "How are you feeling..?" he frowned.

"Way better.." I coughed. "Thank you.." I looked outside a window. Some bright, orange morning light was pouring into the room from it. "What day do we have today..?" I looked at the albino boy.  _I still can't believe he's Nagito Komaeda._

My cheeks felt really hot all of sudden. I realized that I was blushing.  _Wait. Why am I blushing exactly?! This doesn't make any sense... maybe it's just the side effect of having a cold or something?_

"Hinata-kun.. I think you still have a fever." he reached with his hand towards my forehead to check my temperature but I grabbed it instantly before it'd reach my body. I had a hunch that the fact of my cheeks being so heated up wasn't connected with my health state at all. "I-I'm fine right now, really.. believe me." I tried to smile through my embarrassment.

"Ah.. and answering your question. You were lying unconscious in my bed for.." he put a finger on his chin and started probably calculating it in his head, "almost two days I guess.." I realized now that he was holding a tray. I couldn't really see from my perspective what was on it though.

 _Two days, huh.. I wonder if my parents realized that I haven't been at home for past two days._ I chuckled.  _It would be actually quite funny if they reported my disappearance to the police or something. I'm a bad kid, aren't I? But they aren't good parents either. I know that they are planning to divorce and hadn't even cared to tell me about it yet. And I know that my existence is only a bother to them.._

Komaeda sat on the edge of the bed. "You need to eat something and get going. Your parents will be worried." he frowned in concern. I could have a good look on the tray now that he was sitting down.  _I think I see there some apples shaped like.. bunnies? I'm not sure... I think those are bunnies at least. They look very cute. There is some water too.. and medicines._

 _Wait. How did he know I would wake up this morning?_ I tilted my head.  _Maybe he didn't know.. so.. w-would he feed me with those bunnies, if I was still unconscious?_  I blushed even more and he looked a bit confused so I did my best to not seem nervous about it.

He gave me a small plate with medicaments. "I think these pills should help you to get better... if you don't trust me, you don't have to take them though, but it'd be troublesome for me if you collapsed once again." his face darkened a bit. "You can't stay here for any longer. As soon as you get better, you need to leave this place and don't get near me ever again." just when I thought he already was being harsh towards me he got even as cold, making me feel like nothing more but nuisance to him.  _I know that I need to get home as soon as possible, but he didn't have to be so harsh... his words hurt me a bit._

I took the pills and drank some water from the glass. "Yeah, you're right.. my presence is most likely only a bother to you." I laughed sadly. "I'm sorry for all the problems that I've caused you." I tried to smile but I didn't really feel like doing it. I felt something close to being rejected.

"No.. it's not your fault at all. You did nothing wrong!" he looked away from me. He looked angry or/and sad? Quite panicked too, maybe..? I couldn't tell, since he was looking down.

_I think his eyes are a bit teary.. I can be mistaken though._

"You're not safe here with me.."  _I swear that I heard a small sob from him._ I wanted to ask him what did he mean by 'not safe', but then he took an apple bunny and started reaching it in my direction. "W-wait, what do you think you're doing?!" my heart started beating loudly.

"What do you mean by 'what'?" he tilted his head. "Obviously.. I'm going to feed you, since you're sick." I wanted to protest but I didn't have enough of time to do it. He stuffed the apple inside  my mouth. "Mmhhm-" I tried to say anything, but well.. it was too difficult for me.

"What are you saying, Hinata-kun?" he frowned and a playful smile showed up on his face. "Aren't you perhaps saying: I want more of these apples, Komaeda?" he smirked.

_Wait. What's happening right now?! Just a moment ago he was telling me that I need to leave this place but now he's feeding me..? That's weird. B-but.. I don't hate it. I really prefer him being like this._

I swallowed. "N-no! I don't need more, p-please stop..!"  _If he keeps feeding me.. I'll die due to embarrassment overload._

"Why are you so red?" he looked completely serious.

"I-I dunno.." well. I lied. I actually had an idea in my head that could explain my present state very well but I definitely didn't want to share it with Komaeda. "For no reason, I guess.." I tried to brush off his question.

"Well, okay then." he didn't seem to be satisfied with my answer at all and it was quite obvious. He fed me with another apple. "You know that you look really cute right now?" he chuckled as he stared at me chewing which was making me feel uncomfortable. "I feel like if I was feeding a hamster~" he clearly was having fun.

"This is the last one.." he leaned above me and put the apple bunny into my mouth and then flashed a genuine smile at me. "I hope you regained some energy thanks to them.." he patted my head. "Your cold seemed pretty serious." he looked at me with concern written all over his face.

_I can't imagine that Komaeda is in any degree as that teacher (the one who was talking with Yukizome-sensei back in the teacher's room) described. He, of course, is very mysterious, sometimes acts weird, but he seems to me like a good guy.. what exactly is wrong with him then? Why did the teacher say that he's disrespectful? Is it really true that he tried to take his own life..? I don't want to believe in it... if it's true then I'm sure that there's more to it than meets the eye._

I looked carefully at Komaeda as if I was trying to analyze him. I wanted to know more about him. I needed to know everything! Especially the whole truth behind his absence.

I frowned. I must've been looking at him like this for more than a moment because his cheeks started dusting with pink. "H-Hinata-kun! Don't stare at me like this.. it's scary. Did I do something wrong? I did, didn't I?" he sighed. "I-I'm sorry.. it's probably my attitude that troubles you, right?  _I'm acting as if we were friends_.. I know, I shouldn't." he bit his lip. "Such trash has  _no right_  to be friends with anyone." he laughed but even though he was laughing, it didn't seem to me like if he was just joking around.

_If he's serious.. then does he really think that there's a right needed to have a friend..? And that he doesn't deserve to have one?_

_Why would he think so?_

"H-hey.. by staring at you I didn't mean anything like that, okay? I like you, you're a good person and it's fun to hang out with you." I smiled reassuringly. "And.. you took care of me when I collapsed. And you know what? We're almost strangers... I would understand if you just called an ambulance and left me in some doctors' hands." I grabbed his hand. "I really appreciate your concern about my person." I gave him a warm smile of sincere appreciation.

He took his hand away from me which disappointed me. "What I did.. isn't impressive at all. You don't need to appreciate my doing. It was only natural. I couldn't just leave such a great person as Hinata-kun in the hands of fortune." he stood up and placed the empty plate on the tray.

"And.." Komaeda's eyes went blank. "I am not a good person. You should stay away from me.. no one should get closer to me than it's necessary. Being close to me is dangerous, do you understand?!" he grabbed me firmly by my shoulders all of sudden. I groaned and half closed my eyes.

When he realized that it hurt me, he let me go. "If you're feeling better.. t-then please.. leave now!" he said with teary eyes.

I smiled sadly. I didn't want to leave him, even though he literally was begging me to do this. Something just didn't seem quite right. It might've been only my misunderstanding of the situation but.. why was he asking me to leave while having the expression which wasn't compatible with his so called 'will'? Didn't it mean that he was being dishonest about the words he was saying for who-knows-what-reason?

"I'm leaving. But before doing it.. I need one more thing from you." I tried to think of any way for us to stay in touch and a good excuse to why exactly we needed to do that.

_I know very well that he doesn't want us to see each other ever again, he very clearly said that he doesn't want me to get near him after all.. but he's **Nagito Komaeda** for fuck's sake! He's the absent student! He's the person that was on my mind for almost a whole month. I can't just leave this place and forget about all the great time that we've spent here together and the things that I've learned about him..._

_I can't forget him, his kindness, his beautiful eyes, and hair.._

I shook my head.  _Get a grip, Hajime!!! He is beautiful, that is a clear and undeniable fact, but y-you're not gay..... You're just.. interested in him, because his case is pretty complicated. You like solving mysteries! That is all to it..!_

 _Well.. It's not like I like him in any romantic way.. right?!_ My face reddened. _Okay, thinking about it right now is more than stupid and I don't have time for such considerations anyways._

"C-can I have your phone number, please..?" I looked down. I didn't want him to realize how red from embarrassment my face was.

"I don't own a phone." I could feel his piercing gaze on me. "However.. why would you want my phone number in the first place..?" he cocked his head on the side.

_He doesn't have a phone? That's weird.. phones nowadays are like.. a part of every human's body. People just can't live without them._

_Something doesn't feel right.. he's living at the edge of the town, probably alone, what's more.. he doesn't have that damn phone... doesn't attend school.. is he a recluse or something? I know people can be pretty annoying but I would never consider  cutting all the possible contact with others. I'd go crazy. Normally, anyone would. How is he still capable of smiling in such a beautiful way while staying completely alone at a place like this through all the time? Doesn't he get lonely..?_

"Then... can I have your address or something like that at least..?" I looked into his eyes with determination. He was confused and maybe even scared.  _He really doesn't want us to stay in touch, does he..? But I don't care. He's the first person I've ever was interested in. Most of the people just annoy me.. they are boring, talk about same tiring stuff, do same meaningless things.. run after same incredibly idiotic dreams... and he's different. He's just like me. Or at least highly similar._

_If I get his address, I can at least write a letter to him and if I get lucky, maybe he'll write me back? Who knows... and of course.. I don't really remember how I got here, so if I get his address it will come in handy when I'll be looking for his house some other time._

I smirked.  _Yes. I'm not even considering leaving him alone as an option. I'm a jerk to not respect his will, I know. But I'll rather be a jerk than not be able to see him ever again._

"I just, y-you know.. need to give my parents any data about my whereabouts for those two past days, I hope it doesn't trouble you too much." I tried to smile as convincingly as possible but my smile was so faked. I hoped he didn't notice its falsity.  _It's not like I want to lie him.. but I just need to._

"Yeah.. sure, I understand." he was suspicious of me for a long while but luckily he did believe me in the end. It was a great relief to me.

He opened a drawer, took a journal out of it and tore out one blank page. He wrote then something on it and gave it to me. "Here you are." I looked at the scrap of paper. His handwriting was really neat.  _I like the way he writes._ I hid it in my pocket and smiled politely. "Well.. thank you for everything. I'll get going now.." I stood up from the bed and headed towards the front door. More specifically.. I tried to head towards the front door.

Komaeda must've carried me to his room. I blushed a bit while imagining him carrying me around his mansion like a princess but soon came back to my senses.

His mansion was pretty big, so I had no idea where I was. Komaeda laughed when he saw me looking around while blushing in embarrassment. Yeah, I was pretty helpless. "I can show you the exit, if you want of course~" he smiled nicely, but I got a feeling that he was teasing me.

"Yeah, I would  _really_  appreciate it." I laughed awkwardly.

Komaeda went ahead without saying a word to me. I followed him. I could have a good look on his back. He was wearing a long green jacket with a red number somewhere in his shoulder area. It was a number 55 apparently. His posture wasn't massive, he was rather frail, although his grip was pretty strong. His hair was as fluffy as yesterday.  _I wonder.. how does he make it look so good?_

I couldn't admire his looks for any longer unfortunately since we reached the door. I looked sadly at Komaeda. "Goodbye.."

Then I realized that some tears started gathering in Komaeda's eyes but he was holding them back successfully. "Y-yeah.. goodbye, Hinata-kun."

He looked at me with a pleading smile painted on his face all of sudden. "C-can I.. have a hug? As a goodbye.. I'll understand, if you don't want to-" I didn't think too much before hugging him. He was surprised at first but very soon he hugged me back. I felt something wet on my back.. was he crying? Or was it just in my head..?

We were hugging for way too long than we should but neither of us seemed to care about it. It was me who pulled away from the hug. I ruffled his hair gently. "See you later, Komaeda." then I left his place. His expression was gold after he had heard me saying 'see you later' as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

I was clenching in my hand the note with Komaeda's address while heading back to my house. I was ready to get seriously scolded there.

I stood next to my house and started trying to climb up to my room's window, luckily, it was still opened. I was still feeling a bit feverish so climbing wasn't easy to me, however, since I didn't want to use the door as a normal person would I stubbornly kept trying to get back to my room in that way. When I finally was in my room I collapsed on my knees and gasped for air.

I stood up, my legs were shaking but I didn't care.  _I need to talk with my parents, they are probably really freaked out. After all their son wasn't home for two days already, right.._

I placed my hand on the doorknob. The door was still locked up.  _Hmm.. so they didn't try to open the door forcefully, huh.._  I opened the door and got out of the room. My dad was packing some things to his briefcase, and my mom was writing something on her laptop in hurry.

"Hajime.. what are doing here?" my dad looked at me while frowning deeply.

"What do you mean.." I tried to grasp the situation I was in. "W-weren't you two worried about me..?" I felt helpless, after all, a part of me had already known what was going on. They didn't care about me. I could've spent a whole week at Komaeda's mansion and they most likely wouldn't realize I wasn't home. They probably would be even glad, because in their perspective I would be locked up in my room, 'learning hard' and not troubling them.

"Worried? What are you talking about, Hajime? Weren't you in your room learning for your exams?" he crossed his arms over his chest. He was looking suspiciously at me sensing that something didn't quite add up. I nodded, I couldn't tell them the truth. If they knew that I was at that time at some stranger's house, they would yell and me.. get mad, hate me.. "You should go back to your room. I don't want to see you here, Hajime, get out!-" my eyes widened, I already got used to my relationship with parents but it still hurt and today it was even worse than usually. 

I mumbled a short apology under my nose and went back to my place, to the only place in my house where I could relax at least a bit. I locked myself up. I felt tears running down my face. "W-wait.. I should've been used to it already. Why am I crying..?" I laughed feeling despair consuming me from inside and I wasn't doing anything much anymore to fight against it, I was too tired. Giving in to it seemed more natural to me, I couldn't hope for my parents to see me as their son and not just an object which can be moved around and ignored.

 _Is it because I was hoping that they would feel worried about me..? And now.. all I feel is pure despair._ I needed something on which I could focus and stop thinking about how hopeless my situation was for a bit. I took my favourite book and started rereading it.

I read it in even less than an hour, since I was reading only my favourite fragments this time. I felt so much better thanks to reading them.   _I don't care anymore what they will think about me, I don't want to care. I will do what I want, I will help Komaeda.. I'll save him no matter what._

I was really tired so I went to sleep, sadly, I couldn't sleep well because of all the events that had happened. Either because of the good ones and bad ones. I honestly was really excited, I wanted to get closer with Komaeda. I wanted to learn everything about the mystery that was hiding behind his absence. I wanted as well to spend some good time with him, just like the last time. He had taken care about me, I felt that I needed to do something nice for him too, pay off my debt... just thinking about him being alone at the mansion was making me feel sad. I could see in his eyes that he was yelling for help, even though he'd never said it out loud.

And so.. a day.. two days.. a whole week passed. School was extremely boring. As always.. my classmates were still very nice to me, since I stopped asking them about Komaeda but I felt that I couldn't just give up now and be satisfied with the present state of things.

So as soon as I got home I yet again shut myself up in my room and started writing a letter to Komaeda.

_"Dear Nagito Komaeda,"_

My hands were shaking, I felt nervous. I was worried of writing something improper, stupid or something which he wouldn't like or find as weird. When I looked at his name, which I had written, I blushed. I wanted to see him at least one more time. Our accidental meeting was the best thing that had happened in my life so far. I know that it sounds lame, but it was the truth. My life to that point had been full of boredom and disappointment and meeting him was a life-changing event in my life. 

_"I'm that boy who you let in to your mansion over a week ago. I'm sorry for writing to you, I know you didn't want us to have any kind of contact, but I had so much fun while talking with you, so I came up with an idea."_

I took a deep breath. Writing such things was really embarrassing. The fact that it was a letter and not a text message wasn't helping me either. No one really writes letters nowadays.. I wasn't sure if he would read it to begin with but I really wanted to somehow be in touch with him. Anyhow.

_"Can I stop by your place once again?"_

_I need to find a good excuse! Think, Hajime! THINK!_ Then my eyes met with my small bookshelf next to the desk.  _That's it!_

_"Since we have similar taste in books, I thought I could lend you some of the good ones from my collection which you would hopefully like."_

_This looks good!_ I felt proud of myself. I wanted to even pat myself on head for coming up with such a great excuse but it would be too weird so obviously I didn't do it. 

 _"I'm waiting forward to your answer,  
_ _Sincerely Hajime Hinata."_

I folded it and put into an envelope. I ran out of my house as fast as a thunder and stood before the nearest mailbox. I looked at the letter and sighed.  _I hope you'll reach him._ I smiled sadly and kissed it softly. I felt some stares on me.  _Wait- Why am I kissing a letter?!_ I felt so embarrassed. It was scary how loud exactly my heart was beating.  _Hajime, you idiot! I-it.. isn't a love letter or anything like this. It's just a nice friendly letter so you don't have to be so nervous about it._ I hesitantly put the envelope to the mailbox.  _Ahh.. I want to see him._ I sighed dreamily and got back to my house.

 

_"Dear Nagito Komaeda,"_

 

My hands were shaking, I felt nervous. I was worried of writing something improper, stupid or something, which he wouldn't like. When I looked at his name, which I had written, I blushed. I wanted to see him at least once again. Our accidental meeting was the best thing that happened in my life so far. I know that it sounds lame, but it was truth. My life to that point had been full of boredom and disappointment.   

 

_"I'm that boy who you let in to your mansion over a week ago. I'm sorry for writing to you, I know you didn't want us to have any kind of contact.. but I had so much fun while talking with you, so I came up with an idea."_

 

I took a deep breath. Writing such things was really embarrassing for me. The fact that it was a letter and not a text message wasn't helping me either. No one really writes letters nowadays.. I wasn't sure if he would read it to begin with, but.. I really wanted to somehow be in touch with him. Anyhow.

 

_"Can I stop by your place once again?"_

 

 _I need to find a good excuse! Think, Hajime! THINK!_ Then my eyes met with my small bookshelf next to the desk. _That's it!_

_"Since we have similar taste in books, I thought I could lend you some of the good ones from my collection.. which you would hopefully like."_

_This  looks good!_ I felt proud of myself. I wanted to even pat myself on head for coming up with such a great excuse, but it would be too weird.

 

 _"I'm waiting forward to your answer,  
_ _Sincerely Hajime Hinata."_

I folded it and put into an envelope. I ran out of my house as fast as a thunder and stood before the nearest mailbox. I looked at the letter and sighed. _I hope you'll reach him._ I smiled sadly and kissed it softly. I felt some stares on me. _Wait- Why am I kissing a letter?!_  I felt so embarrassed. It was scary how loud exactly my heart was beating, while I was doing it. _Hajime, you idiot! I-it isn't a love letter or anything like this. It's just a nice friendly letter, so you don't have to be nervous over it._ I hesitantly put the envelope to the mailbox. _Ahh.. I want to see him._ I sighed dreamily and got back to my house.

 

\- definitely over a week later -

I hadn't been looking into our mailbox each and every day, I swaer..

Okay, maybe I was. But it didn't matter. He still hadn't written me back and that was making me strangely worried. I stood before the mailbox even though I'd already checked it before. My hand hesitated to open it. I was hoping that this time his answer would be there but I was afraid of being disappointed yet again.  _What if something bad happened to him? What if he told me a wrong address purposely? What if my letter got lost? What if he hates me? What if- ahh!_

I closed my eyes tightly and took the content of the mailbox.  _There are some letters.. Probably for my parents._ I sighed. I didn't want to give myself a false hope.

I opened my eyes.  _One letter for my dad.. second too.. third for me... forth for my mom- wait!_  I looked at the third one once again.  _I-is it from him? Is it really from him?!_  My eyes widened and a delighted smile crept on my tanned face.

I went to the house, tossed the other meaningless to me letters on the table in a great rush and headed with the letter to my own room. I placed it on my desk and sat on the chair before it. I took a few deep breaths while stamping my foot nervously. "B-breath in, breath out.." I said to myself. "Calm down.." my cheeks were burning, I was so excited.

I tried to open the letter as gently as possibly. I really didn't want to destroy it. It was a letter from  _him_ after all. I pulled carefully the letter out of the envelope and started reading it.

_"Dear, Hinata-kun,"_

I chuckled.  _Is he calling me like this even in a letter? That's cute._

_"Your letter made me really happy. I didn't expect you to write me at all but there's no need to be sorry for it, especially not to someone like me! And I had fun with you too! I feel honored that my presence wasn't tiring you."_

I frowned. "Honored? And how could his presence be tiring..?" I muttered to myself confused. I wasn't glad that he was treating himself so lowly. I couldn't feel sad about it for too long though. The fact he wrote me back made just too happy.  _He wrote me back. He remembers me!_ I sighed happily and pressed the letter against my chest. I was too excited to get to know what was written after what I had read, so I placed it back on the desk and continued reading it while smiling disturbingly cheerful to myself.

_"Although I think that it's really not a good idea for us to be in touch, I can't reject such a kind offer from someone as kind as you, Hinata-kun."_

My cheeks heated up and eyes sparkled in anticipation.  _Will we meet once again?_

_"I'll be waiting here in the mansion. You can come over whenever you feel like it. Next week, next month, next year.. I'll be waiting here for you, Hinata-kun, till my very death."_

That last part made me more than just concerned. I had a feeling that he wasn't the type to joke around. At least not like this. If he said something, he meant it no matter how ridicules or scary it'd sound.  _Till your very death.. huh..?_  I frowned. _That REALLY doesn't sound good. I don't want to find his corpse when I stop by his place more than anything!_

I bit my lip in distress and looked at the rest of the text written below. Sadly, I couldn't read it, it was crossed out and even quite nervously judging by the amount of the black lines. The last part, that I could read, was:

_"Sincerely, Nagito Komaeda"_

I placed the letter gently in a drawer, put on a hoodie over my school uniform, stuffed the books for Komaeda into a bag and since my parents weren't home just exited my place through the door and not through the window like the last time. I felt the need to see him, hear his voice, feel the warmth of his skin.. need to make sure that he was doing alright and the most important part.

That he was still alive.

I'd memorized earlier his address and now I was murmuring it under my nose to not forget it. I tried to do the same thing as the last time to get to his mansion but it was hard, since the last time I hadn't been paying attention to the surroundings. It took me maybe an hour to finally reach the sign which indicated that I was on the right route. I sighed in relief and went along that route hoping it'd lead me to him.

When I saw the mansion, I smiled unconsciously. Seeing it made me feel pleasantly nostalgic. I felt that a whole eternity had passed while I was trying to reduce the distance between me and Komaeda. When I finally stood before the door I felt a sudden hesitation.  _Am I.. being a bother to him? He clearly said that he doesn't want us to be in touch, that he doesn't want to see me ever again.. didn't he agree to meet with me just because I was stubborn?_ My smile twitched a bit. I laughed sadly.  _I can't think of any other explanation, but.._

I looked at the door with determination written all over my face.  _I've decided to help him, so I definitely WILL DO IT! Even if it meant doing something against his will.._ I slowly breathed out, gathering more courage and knocked on the door. No answer. I wasn't surprised. It was a huge mansion, so I could guess that it'd take a while for him to get to the door.

I wasn't surprised, nonetheless, I felt something other. Excitement? Anticipation? Longing? I couldn't tell. All that I knew, was that my heart was beating like crazy in my chest. There wasn't answer for more than five minutes and that made me sickly worried.

One sentence from Komaeda's letter was piercing through my head painfully, even though I tried to not think especially about it since it was making my heart to sink.  _"I'll be waiting here for you, Hinata-kun, till my very death."_  The more I waited, the more anxious I felt about the meaning hiding behind his words.

In the end, I couldn't stand the feeling anymore and proceeded to open the door, while cursing loudly. The door was luckily unlocked. I looked around. There wasn't any sign of Komaeda being around the hallway. I quickly ran upstairs. Sweat was running down from me. I was nervous. I was scared. I couldn't feel relieved till I would make sure that he was alive and doing well.

There was plenty of doors. I didn't have time to open each and every one of them, so I made a quick guess and headed to the one which was a bit opened. I slowly made the gap wider and looked through it. The room was dark so it took my eyes a while to adjust to the lack of a proper lighting. I slowly noticed the shape of a boy sitting at the edge of a bed. He was sobbing quietly, his breath was unstable and frequently interrupted with barely audible whimpers. I realized that he was murmuring something: "I'm sorry, I-I am so sorry, please.. forgive me Hinata-kun. Forgive me, please!" he sobbed despite laughing insanely. It was the voice which I loved yet the way it came off made me feel afraid.

I cracked the door open and stood a meter away from the boy who was of course none other than Komaeda. Some light from the hallway was pouring into the room making it possible for me to analyze the situation. Komaeda seemed startled and surprised. His eyes were widely opened and gazing at me saying that he really wasn't expecting my visit at the moment. He had some dark circles under them, he most likely hadn't been sleeping well lately. I could still see some tears running down his cheek. His lips were formed into an insane yet sad smile.

That all wasn't important to me back then though.

He was pointing a gun to his head. A fucking gun! "H-hinata.. kun?" he looked at me as if he didn't believe that I was even standing there. Like if I was just an illusion. He smiled warmly at me, it was weird sight. After all he was.. he had.. a-a gun.. in his.. fuck! I breathed out slowly and deeply in order to calm down. I smiled softly and made one step closer to him. "Yes, Komaeda.. that's right, I'm Hinata-kun." I placed the bag with books on the floor and made one small step forward. "Stand where you are, don't come any closer!" he pointed the gun at me. His gaze was sharp and cold. I felt as shivers went throughout my body.

I lifted my hands up instinctually. "Alright.. I'm not moving closer, see?" I said soothingly. Komaeda breathed out nervously and looked down. His legs were shaking as well as his hands and pretty much everything. I frowned. I didn't want to see him like this. I wanted to see his smile once again.  _Is there any possibility that we both will come out alive from this tragic situation..?_ I shook my head.  _I'll do my best to protect him; I won't let him die no matter what. H-he.. he can't die here! I.. if he dies.. I-I.._

"I.. didn't want you to see me in such a miserable state." he laughed sadly with remorse. "I didn't want to kill myself in front of you. Someone as Hinata-kun shouldn't be a witness of something as helpless as that.. why are you here? Why now?" his eyes seemed to be drowned in something that couldn't be anything else than despair. His lips twitched into a smile. Not a nice one, the more insane one. "..m-maybe I should take you to the grave with me, huh?" I shivered even more.  _Would he really do that? Would he kill me for real..?_ I felt sweat pouring down from me excessively as I felt more than just a simple anxiety.

I thought back to that day when he'd taken care about me. His carefree laugh, the kind smile that he'd been showing to me even though we were just strangers to each other. The way his eyes had gleamed when he talked about something he loved. I couldn't shake of the thought that his gestures were adorable, his hair cute and fluffy.. his skin pale, pristine.. he was beautiful, kind and gorgeous.

Something stroke me as weird. All of sudden I realized that this guy was on my mind all the time. Literally  _all the time_. I was noticing too many things about him, way too many..  _w-wait. I'm straight, right? I can't be in love with that guy! I mean- it's not like I don't like him.. In some way he is special to me, I think. B-but I am not in love with him, right..? I-it is NOT possible.._  my cheeks flushed but since the situation was not good at all the blush faded away almost instantly. I coughed to hide my sudden change of expression.  _I-I'll think about it later.. maybe. I swear I will, if we make through it._

"Go away! Please! Just g-go away..!" his eyes filled with tears, he placed the weapon on his thighs. "..let me die, please. My existence is not only pointless, it's a bother to everyone! Including you.. let me end it, please. Please, p-please!" he looked at me with puzzled eyes, while literally begging me to not prevent him from committing a suicide.

I sighed, my breath was shaky but I was putting an attempt to come off as calm to not worsen the situation. "I can't leave you, Komaeda. I can't and I won't. Leaving you here alone is not an option to me." I said firmly. "And I won't let you die no matter what." I made eye contact with him. His expression softened as his eyes shifted from the floor to meet my gaze. I could see the same smile on his face as the one that he'd showed me when we'd been talking and having some really good time together that rainy, stormy day.

Komaeda chuckled sadly. "Huh.. you're really too kind to me. What about me makes you want to waste your time on being kind to a lowly piece of trash like me..? Hinata-kun, you're weird. You're not like others.." I slightly reduced the distance between us still careful not to trigger him.

I smiled awkwardly. "Well.." I wasn't sure if he meant is as a compliment or an insult. "You're not trash, Komaeda.. okay? I mean.. you are a really cool guy, I love being around you, so please don't say that your existence is pointless. It matters to me, okay? I want you to be alive and happy." I admitted to him, because I was sure of that much at least.

His cheeks covered with pink. "H-Hinata..kun... th-thank you." he sniffled. I wanted to wipe the tears away from his eyes but it would be quite dangerous to get any closer to him. That gun.. if he wasn't holding to it so firmly, I would grab it swiftly and throw away through the nearest window. Where did he get it anyways?

"Aha.. I don't want to bring you down with me. I've grown too attached to you, hahaha..ha.. I wonder why..?" he smiled at me warmly which made my heart skip a beat. "You're the very first person that has shown me that much of kindness and warmth.. being with you makes me feel all weird and.." he bit his lip. "I-I've never met anyone who was able to put up with my shit.. till I met you." he laughed at his own words. "I don't deserve to be around you.. I-I shouldn't feel like _this_ about you..." his cheeks turned red.

 _'L-like this'? LIKE WHAT? Goddamn! I-I want to know.._  "I-I am disgusting, Hinata-kun. My luck brings only misfortune to others! I've almost killed all of my classmates, because of it! I killed my own parents with it! I'm a murderer.. I shouldn't have the right to live...." I frowned.  _What the hell is he talking about..?_

"Thank you, Hinata-kun. For everything. You made that last month the happiest one in my whole life." the way he was looking at me was making my heart firstly to thump loudly and soon after to stop as I realized something terrible.  _I-is he.. is it a farewell?_   _NONONONO.. just no! I can't accept it!_ My throat felt dry, I couldn't let any voice out.  _"_ I was thinking about you through all of the time and it was giving me hope, but.. I can't keep it up. I can't be selfish. My death will make everyone relived, I'm sure of it. Hope will come back to my class with the exact moment of it.." he smiled dreamily probably imagining how the world would look without him. I couldn't quite agree with the imagination since I didn't want to live in a world without him. I felt stabbed in my heart, his words were too unfair towards his own self.

"Ahh.. I'm sure their hopes will bloom.. it'll be such a beautiful sight. What a shame that I won't see it." he sighed and pressed the gun to his head. He did it so quickly and undoubtedly that my brain wasn't able to proceed it. "I wanted to see your hope to bloom as well... you're so beautiful. Just being around you makes me happy. Please.. don't be depressed about my death. Someone as kind as Hinata-kun would probably blame himself, but it isn't necessary. I don't want you to be sad.." he placed his finger on the trigger. "WAIT- KOMAEDA, PLEASE!!" I was sure that words wouldn't stop him. I needed to do something. Anything.

 _H-Hajime, think! Do something, move!_ _I need to do something that he wouldn't be expecting. I need to somehow take him aback._ It was weird how many thoughts my brain was processing in the few last seconds. The situation felt to me like if it was in slow motion, probably because of the rush of adrenaline. I reduced all the distance that was left between us and saw him slowly pulling the trigger. I didn't have time to struggle with him to take the gun away. In the worst scenario, if we struggled I could be the one taking his life away by an accident.

Not able to come up with anything clever I firmly pressed my lips against his. His eyes widened, cheeks started getting redder with every past second. I saw his grip loosening a bit on the weapon, but it still wasn't enough. I deepened the kiss wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. Komaeda was gasping fo air, but I didn't pull away from him; instead, I placed my leg between his legs to support myself more and bit his lip. A small moan left his lips making it possible for me to force my tongue inside his mouth and tangle with his.  

Tears were running down from his now half closed eyes. He dropped the gun softly on the bed as he just wasn't able to hold it anymore, he was shaking so much in my hands. I wondered if he was disgusted that I kissed him in that way. I pulled away from him to get some air. _I-I should stop it now.. I made him drop the gun, so I-I.. shouldn't go further than I already did. It's not necessary. I-I hope he knows that I kissed him only because I needed to.. a-and I didn't really enjoy it.._ I totally did enjoy it, but I just didn't want to accept it as a fact. "H-Hina..ta..k-kun.." he was looking at me with half-lidded eyes.  

Suddenly I felt his hands wrapping tightly around my waist. He kissed me back unhesitatingly which drew a muffled moan from me. It made me blush heavily right away. "K-Komaeda.. I-I.. d-d.. don't do that to me ever again!" I suddenly felt all the suppressed emotions pouring out of me. Tears ran down from my olive eyes. I didn't cry like this for a while. I felt relieved. _I'm just happy, happy that he's alive, that I can hear his voice, see his smile.._ I sank my hand gently into his fluffy hair. _I-I've always wanted to do it.._ I brushed it caringly through it, while being surprised how nice it felt to pat and ruffle it. It was softer than I had imagined. Komaeda's cheeks were rosy now, suddenly I felt embarrassed. Really embarrassed. I was the one who initiated the kiss after all.

The sudden silence between us felt awkward. I cleared my throat. "Komaeda? D-do you want.. a hug or something?" he blinked in surprise. "O-oh.. well, if Hinata-kun wants it too then.." he coughed and look on sides. He was embarrassed too. "I-I'm fine with it.." he shook his head. "I meant.. Yes, p-please!"

I chuckled. "You're so cute~" he blushed at my statement.

I sat next to him and hugged him warmly. He rested his head on my shoulder, his distressed breathing soon calmed down. I was patting his back gently. I wanted to give him all the love and attention that he needed at this moment, although I still wasn't sure about my feelings towards him. "I-I'm sorry, Hinata-kun.. you've seen the worst part of me.. that must've been awful, hehe.. I wouldn't be surprised, if you felt disgust and hatred towards me after that." his hair was tickling my neck a bit, I liked the feeling of it. "It's all right, Komaeda. It's really fine... I won't ever hate you.. all that matters to me is that you're alive, I'm not judging you. I'm just glad that you're alive and warm in my hands without a bullet in your head.." I was trying to reassure him. I pulled away from him to wipe his tears away also I took the gun out of his reach placing it on a bedside table and noting in my head to get rit of that damn thing later.

He sniffled. "A-ahh.. about the things I said about my class." he cleared his throat. "Do you want to hear me out?" he asked politely, while shifting and trying to reduce distance between us. "I mean you don't have to.." He felt uneasy and so did I; things between us felt awkward after that kiss thingy.

I nodded and gave him an encouraging smile. He told me what I had known already; about his already month lasting absence and the way others had treated him, before he ran off from the school, but adding more details to the whole story.

"..I understand it all, but why did everything end up like that?" I asked carefully. "Teachers and our classmates act as if you did something terrible." Komaeda jolted. I tried to give off an impression that I wouldn't judge him no matter what, but he felt uncomfortable with my question either way. I gave him some time understanding that it wasn't easy for him to talk about it. But I knew it was better to hear him out, let him to say his sorrows out loud to get over them and finally free himself from all the worries, which were making him to want to take his own life away, he was drowned in.

"I.. wait." Komaeda frowned deeply. "Hinata-kun. You're not making any sense." he looked at me sharply.

"What do you mean by that..?" I swallowed down feeling as my head was filling with a puzzled feeling.

" **Our** classmates?" his gaze was intense, I felt as if it could pierce a hole in my goddamn soul. He chuckled disrespectfully. _Oh shit. It was just a slip of tongue, I didn't intend to tell him that yet._ "I knew that something is wrong... wrong with you to be precise." he looked away from me. His expression looked.. disappointed. And I was the source of his disappointment. My heart literally sank at that moment.

"K-Komaeda.. it's not like you think it is!" I shouted loudly, while my eyes widened.

He sighed, placed his elbow on his leg and rested his chin on his opened palm. "I didn't say anything, Hinata-kun..." he said flatly.

"Y-yeah, but" I took a deep breath. "You seem disappointed." I said sadly, while letting my worries out. "I don't want you to think that they sent me here to mess with you or try to make you go back to school. Because it's not like that. At all." I said firmly, while choosing the words which seemed in place to me.

Komaeda mumbled something inaudible then turned his head towards me. "Th-then how is it? Why are you here? Isn't it all another attempt of the world to give me hope just to break it a while later..?" he smiled offended.

I cupped his chin forcing him to look into my eyes. "Look; I'm here on my own will. I really am interested in you and want to help you. Do you understand, Komaeda?" I raised one eyebrow annoyed. He was the only one who was able to get under my skin so easily.

He was staring into my eyes for a while, but soon his expression went back to his usual one. "O-oh.. okay. I'm so sorry for misunderstanding your motives, Hinata-kun." he said with remorse. "I'm awful." he said while averting more of eye contact with me. Understanding his feelings, I let go of his face.

"It's fine." I said while my expression softened and even warmed up for him. "I think I'll have to leave your place soon by the way.." I looked through the window. "It's almost night." I said while wandering with my gaze around the room. I've just realized that it was his own room. It had his vibe. The soft, creamy curtains.. fluffy bedding... massive bookshelves containing way more books than the ones in my room, it all was indicating that it was his own place. His sheets probably smelled just like him and if he wasn't here I'd probably lay down and wrap myself with them in order to surround myself with his lovely scent.

"Oh... I understand." his voice seemed disappointed, but not in the same way as before. He seemed to be enjoying my presence as much as I enjoyed being around him. "W-will I ever see you again..?" he added, and I could sense the longing in his question.

I stood up. "Of course. What do you think about me visiting you every Friday evening?" I suggested. I'd with pleasure visit him every day, but I didn't want to seem too desperate and didn't want to make my parents feel suspicious about me disappearing every each day; even though the last time they hadn't notice me, there still was a chance that eventually I'd end up being caught.    

"H-Hinata-kun.. are you really fine with that?" his cheeks grew a red tinge. "You don't have to do all of it for someone like me..." he smiled with guiltiness.

"But I want to." I said warmly while grabbing him by the hand and pulling up. I quickly let go of his hand as any form of physical contact with him was making me flustered. "Is it bad that I want to see more the person who I adore the most?" I giggled.

"Th-the.. most?" he said the words slowly in the way that would indicate that he didn't understand their meaning. "Hinata-kun! Don't say such things to me!" some sweat ran down his face.

I smiled in a friendly manner. "I'm just stating the truth, Komaeda." I sensed that trying to convince him that I was being honest about my words would be as hard as rolling a stone up a hill, so I gave in. Nevertheless, I hoped my words would reach him someday.

"Ehh.. anyway. I'm going. You'll be fine, right?" I made sure, while we both stood before the front door. He nodded. "I swear I won't do anything to worry you, H-Hinata-kun." he answered with his eyes focused on the floor, but soon his gaze shifted. I grabbed his hand after I had seen affection in them. _God, can I live with him? Can I move out from the hell I'm living in and join the heaven, here, in this very mansion?_

I pulled him by his hand making him stumble and fall onto my chest. "See you in a few days. Be sure to get a lot of sleep tonight and eat something proper the next day." I said in concern while frowning. He chuckled. "You're so sweet~" suddenly his lips met with my forehead making me blush. _Wh-whaa-_ "I hope you didn't mind the kiss." he looked on the side, and I flashed at him an embarrassed yet reassuring smile. "I didn't." I admitted. All the anxiety and fear from the previous, tragically terrible situation were replaced with soft, light-hearted feeling.

I turned back on my hills and went back home, while rethinking everything that had happened. It surely was an intense day and I had a lot to think about.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the chapter was good, not disappointing and that everything somehow was adding up! I worked quite hard on this one (like I wanted to make an emotional rollercoaster out of it xD) and I really do hope that I didn't overdid it all! Thank you for the first votes and comments on this story, I'm happy that there were some ppl who liked the first chapter at least to some degree! >///<


	3. Chapter 3

"Ehh.. so boring." I yawned. It still was Monday and what's more just my first class—homeroom. I'd sell my soul to be able to skip all the days and finally reach the Friday. Since three weeks Friday was a day I was really looking forward to. Not because it meant the end of the school, but rather because I could see him. His face. His smile. Talk with him.. I just fucking needed him and since I had started meeting with him on that day, I felt ecstasy—it often could be seen as suspicious smile printed on my face—overflowing from me on that day, before we would meet.

"...ata-san. Hinata-san!" I heard our teacher's annoyed voice. "I see that you're not interested in the lesson, but you could at least pretend to be.." she said with reproach and sighed. I quickly snapped out of my trance. "What was I saying.. ahh! Yes!" she clapped her hands and fixed her apron. I still couldn't understand why she was wearing one despite us not having cooking classes very often. "I wanted to ask you, my dearest students if any of you was willing to volunteer." silence followed her question. "Uhm.. no one?" she repeated. "Fine." a pout showed up on her face. "I will pick three of you by myself then." she announced and started walking between our desks tapping each one and giving us chills by that, since no one, obviously, was into volunteering in who-knows-what Yukizome-sensei came up yet again.

She was genuine and usually it was fun to be a part of the voluntary work, one time I heard that Nanami, Sonia, Souda, Ibuki and few other of my classmates were playing games together with some kids from primary school, other time looking for an owner of a lost puppy or organizing a concert for the whole school, but... slowly it became quite hard to keep up with all the ideas that our teacher was expecting us to fulfill. 

"Then... Nanami-san." the pink haired girl looked up at her from her console giving her that look. "Why it always has to be me..." The teacher pretended that she hadn't heard nor seen anything and continued walking around the class cheerfully. "Souda-san." he fell onto his desk. "Oh man..." he sobbed. "And...~" she suddenly turned to me. Oh shit. "You!" she flashed a smile at me. I wanted to protest, but she instantly walked towards her own desk and continued. "I want you three to stay after classes and then you will go _somewhere_..." she said, her expression was serious. I wondered what kind of 'volunteer' work she had prepared for us this time...

 

After classes the three of us stayed behind and Yukizome-sensei told us to have a seat, while she closed the door. She also sat down and took a deep breath. "S-so.." she looked on side. "I didn't pick you up randomly." her eyes wandered through our faces, she was frowning and I could somehow grasp that this time wasn't anything like all the other ones. "Before you will call me nuts I want you to understand that my request is necessary for bringing hope back to our class." she smiled weakly. I looked at the others; Souda had his arms crossed over his chest and seemed confused, and Nanami was playing with the buttons of her turned off the console, while I.. tried to read through our teacher.

"It's about Nagito Komaeda." we all, excluding the teacher, flinched. I, because hearing his name had taken me aback, I wasn't prepared for this meeting being connected with the person I was missing so much at the moment. Nanami, because she had considered Nagito's case as closed and thought that we were supposed to forget about the white-haired boy and move on and finally Souda, because well.. he was Souda.

Soon I saw consternation in Nanami's eyes. "Yukizome-sensei.." she placed her console down. "W-we.. suffered enough. Why do you still hope that everything will go back to normal?" she looked at the teacher with the eyes of someone who had seen enough in life and wasn't willing to go through even more.

She looked at me and I couldn't not grow a slight blush on my cheeks from embarrassment. She had smiled at me knowingly before she wandered with her gaze outside a window. "It's just a hunch.. but I feel that Hinata-san is able to fix everything." her voice had a hint of something unreadable. "You see... his presence here may be just a coincidence, but.. this coincidence is able to change everything. I swear on my housekeeper talent!" she said with excessive seriousness.

I chuckled to Souda. "Can it even be a talent?" he shrugged and smiled back at me.

She coughed. "Anyway.. I want you to go to his house tomorrow after classes. I believe Nanami-san and Hinata-san were there before, so I don't need to write it down for you, right?" I nodded, but then I felt numb. "H-how.. how did you know I was there?" I frowned trying to think everything over. _Where did I make a mistake?_

She laughed deviously. "I didn't; but now I know!" she said, while throwing at me a smug smile. "My hunch was right then.. Hinata-san." her voice was serious yet again. "Please.. help us." she smiled at me in the way that it was hard for me to disobey her will, especially since it concerned Nagito. "F-fine.." I gave in. She looked at the other two. "How about you, Souda-san?" she smiled at him warmly.

"Oh man.. that dude is a sick fuck-" he coughed remembering that he was talking with a teacher. "I mean.. ehh.. he is.. weird. But... I guess, I don't mind? Haha..." some sweat rolled down from his forehead. "If Hinata agreed, I don't mind either.." his smile was shark-like.

She threw at him a relieved smile. "And how about you, Nanami-san?" she joined her fingers together.

"Uhm... I..." she blew at her device's screen and polished it with her sleeve. "I'm a class president, I do feel responsible for every each one of us.. so.. " she said with her soft, caring voice. "If.. you promise us that it won't bring any of us more harm I will participate in your idea." she put her hoodie on hiding behind it.

"I'm glad then." you could sense warmness in her voice. "You are dismissed then!" she said happily with gratitude. "I of course won't go with you. Komaeda-kun doesn't trust me..." she said sadly. "But I'm sure the three of you will do fine on your own." she assured us, while waving at us on our way out of the class.

On my way home I started wondering about Yukisome-sensei's words. _'I believe Nanami-san and Hinata-san were there before, so I don't need to write it down for you, right?'_ the question rang in my ears. "I doubt she visited him after me.. then.. was she at his house as the first one?" I frowned. "Should I be jealous?" I chuckled. Even though I said it jokingly to myself, I indeed was jealous. _Maybe I'm not really special to him in any way and he simply.. accepted my help just like Nanami's?_   _Maybe.. there was something in-between them?_ I shook my head. "G-god.. they don't suit each other at all, I can't imagine it." I laughed from myself. "I doubt it's possible.. still..." I clutched the fabric on my chest, my heart hurt. "I feel... weird." I admitted. "I feel so uncertain.. and I hate it." I let go of the fabric and placed my hands into the pockets of my coat since it was a cold February, indeed cold, but not enough for me to zip-up the coat.  

I reached my house and fell onto the soft cushion of my bed. I suddenly heard the last thing I had wanted to hear—a solid knock on my door. "Hajime?" I heard my father's voice. "Would you care to come out of your room?" he asked sarcastically.

I sighed and obeyed. Both my mother and father were now sitting down. "We got a call from your teacher.." my mother started. I knew that it wasn't going in a good direction. "She asked us to let you join a... volunteer work." she raised one eyebrow. "What is it about? From when exactly are you interested in wasting time on such things?" she scowled at me. I avoided looking into her eyes; they were the same as mine and I hated it so much. My dad laughed quietly. "It's bullshit, Hajime. I can't believe you-" I looked directly into my father's eyes in a way that could be seen as disrespectful, because it was my intention. I couldn't help it. I hated him. And her too.. "And what did you say to my teacher?" I said while biting into my lip. I was surprised that he didn't hit me for showing him a lack of respect. Maybe he was in a good mood? Who knows.

"...well." he picked up a piece of paper with my grades. "You are not doing that bad at school.. of course, you are nothing as we expected. Such a lack of talent.. you are a disappointment and I hope you know it?" he added and I thought that he could save it for himself.

"Right?" she looked at my father. If it came to bad-mouthing me they were one in it. In all other cases, they just couldn't stand each other. "He's nothing like my older sister's son, Izuru.. was his name? I think at least... he's only one year older than our Hajime yet he almost finished a medical university. I heard he's a genius and committee organised for him one-year lasting high school, it was some kind of.. a project for talented people?" she brushed her hair away from her forehead.

My mother was really beautiful, had a beautiful, deep voice and could come off as kind at first glance.. but deep down she was a bad person. She always was jealous of her older sister's son. Of him being a successful part of society despite his young age. And it wasn't difficult for me to grasp her feelings even at a young age; she hated me. She was a lawyer, a good one, many people would often come to our house—when they came with a visit, she always would tell me to go to my own room and play with toys or something, but since I was a curious kid I usually was trying to overhear about what adults tended talk—and thank her for winning their case, but when asked about her kids, she often lied saying ' _Sadly I don't have children..but my sister has a beautiful and intelligent boy and I love him as if he was my own son.'_ it always made me feel sick in my stomach. She was so fake.

I scratched my left arm out of stress, it was my nervous tick. "What did you say to Yukizome-sensei?" I pleaded her to stop talking about my cousin—I had never seen him, yet I was being compared to him through my whole life, no wonder I hated him despite everything—by going back to the matter of my teacher's phone call. I wished she hadn't called them; I knew that she can't have known what kind of people my parents were though; she didn't do anything wrong.. yet I felt deceived.  

"Ahh yes.." my mother stood up from the chair. "I really don't care what you want to do as long as you have good marks and don't bother me." she stated. "I know that your father still has hopes for you.. he wants you to be a good doctor and actually puts a lot of effort into it. You should be thankful." she smiled at me warmly, but the smile was faked despite being beautiful. It just had a hint of.. pity. Then she looked over my father. "So I agreed. But please.." she looked at me once again. "tell your teacher to not call me ever again. She has your father's phone call, right? I am busy.. I don't have time to pick up phones from such meaningless people who waste their time on kids like you." she packed some documents to her briefcase and exited the house after saying short goodbye to my father.

"God.. your mother is so awful." my father said after she had exited and I couldn't help but agree with him this one time. "But she's right." he shrugged. "And you know that, right?" his eyebrow raised, while he drank up his coffee.

"Y-yeah..." I stuttered with a hint of depression. It wasn't like I believed their words, I knew that they both weren't right.. yet hearing such words over and over and over again was affecting me. A lot actually.

"But I believe in you. Just do something with your grades.. they are far from being prefect. I know you've been slacking off lately. Don't think I'm blind." he looked sharply at me. "If you were like Izuru, if you were born with a talent, it all wouldn't be that way... that's truly a shame." he sighed. "But well. What can you do? You're just hopeless." I looked down; my eyes were empty, blank, depraved of all will to keep living.   

He patted my head and I had to suck up my pride and urge to throw up. "Now, now.. don't make such face!" he grinned. "I'm sure your talent is hiding somewhere.. within you? Probably. Your grades are almost the best in the whole class... so you're not a complete waste of my time as your mother tends to say." he said. In his own way he tried to show me his good side and encourage me to not give up, but I knew that he didn't care about me. He just would feel that he failed, if his son grew up to be a failure.

With my gaze stuck on the floor, I went to my own room, shutting the door behind me and locking myself up.  

I felt the need to get rid of the stress—my parents were mostly responsible for it, but Nagito was somehow at fault too. Not that he did something wrong, I just couldn't deal with the feelings I had for him, they were driving me crazy and adding the talk I've just had with my parents I felt literally nothing more than despair—and I did it in the way I had always been doing it. It felt disgusting and deepened hatred towards my own self, but indeed gave me some kind of relief.  

I went to sleep earlier that day since my parents successfully made me unmotivated to give a try at anything.. learning, reading..  just felt like sleeping to get away from bad thoughts.

I woke up the next day in a rather good mood though. In spite of my situation being rather not good I had lots of occasions to get used to some things and the way they were, so the last day's conversation hadn't influenced me as much as I thought it would. I looked at my left arm and couldn't help, but feel miserable. It was full of wounds, most of them not that deep, but there were just so many of them... I felt.. that I ruined myself. But what could I do? Self-harm was my only remedy since middle school. As a kid I hadn't known of that way of dealing with stress, but I tended to dig my nails deeply into my skin while trying to suppress my emotions... so I guess it always was within me either way.

I dressed up a long-sleeved white shirt, light brown sweater, and a black jacket; I've always preferred to dress up a lot of clothing layers, even in summer. Luckily it was rather cold now, so it didn't seem weird to anyone yet. But in middle school I was known from always being dressed up in many clothing layers, others didn't bother much about it since they assumed I just was intolerant towards cold temperatures, but often mocked me about it.

"Okay.." I breathed in and out while fixing my hair. My cheeks heated up as I thought about meeting Komaeda after my classes. No matter how cliché it sounded, he was my only hope in this screwed up world. It seemed off since I was perfectly fine by myself before I had met him.. but.. he changed me. I started believing again.. both in people and love. I still had a picture of him with the gun.. and I still knew how selfish of me was to stop him. I understood him to some point, but I needed him alive. I couldn't let him die back then.

I clenched my hand into a fist and went to school straight away. Sometimes I would eat breakfast outside the home, but today I didn't feel like eating.

I went through the school gate; my eyes weren't stuck on the ground anymore. After all, it wasn't like I had a low self-esteem, because of all the things I kept hearing from my parents. I knew my value.. or I deeply hoped that I had a value. Either way, I didn't even consider giving up as an option, being positive wasn't my thing, not at all, I was rather pessimistic; but no matter how much despair I was forced to see around me, I wanted to move forward. And for now, Komaeda was that something which helped me to do it. I was more than thankful that he in some way needed me.

"Hey, dude!" I received a firm hit on my left arm and had to swallow down a whimper that almost left past my lips. "F-fuck! Do you wanna kill me?" I cursed and he raised one eyebrow at me. "I didn't know you were so sensitive, gosh..." he said with remorse, nonetheless, I didn't take his concern as being nice or sorry for delivering me a great pain. It felt to me more like mocking even though it wasn't his intention. "Anyway.. I've been wondering since yesterday. Yukizome-sensei said you've been at Komaeda's before, right?" I groaned. I didn't consider him as a person who would think a lot. Who would guess that he for once decided to use his own head? "Haha.. let's not talk about it. I was.. ehh.. just passing by, 'kay?" I said something which wasn't a lie neither truth. Something perfectly in-between.

"Oh. Don't get so worked up!!" he laughed loudly. Too loudly, if I was asked. "I was just kinda curious, I know that Nanami, as our class president, visited him once too, so it's not like it's something weird.. I think." he said hesitantly. My heart thumped. I saw my chance there. "Did she? And.. did her visit h.. help him somehow?" I looked on the side. I gulped down my anxiety.

He frowned. "Dude.. I don't know! I doubt though.. that guy is nuts! He didn't even let her in haha.. poor girl.."  he shook his head.

I stood in place. "Oh.. OH." I blushed and hid my cheeks behind my hand while looking on the side. "R-really?" I tried to make sure if I heard him well.

"Well.. duh. Why would I lie?" his lips turned into a wide grin. "OH SHIT. The bell.. we will be late!" he shouted and ran forward not waiting for me. Honestly, I didn't feel like running, so I walked towards the Hope's Peak building in my own pace. Somehow.. I felt stupid now for being jealous over Nanami.. he.. didn't even let her in. And... I was at his house. I saw his smile and not even once.. my.. lips touched his... and.. we hugged.

My heart skipped a beat. Maybe it all had a meaning after all? I smiled silly and went cheerfully towards my class. I was late, but I didn't mind it. Everyone's eyes were on me, but I didn't care. I felt so.. hopeful. Thanks to Nagito. And I couldn't wait to see him today.

I had some worries though. It wouldn't be only me visiting him; Souda and Nanami were also going there with me. _What.. will he think about all of it..?_ I smiled sadly. _I don't want to lose his trust more than anything..._

And so I was drowned in worries through most of the classes. I thought of a few ways he could react and neither of them seemed good. Maybe it was just me being pessimistic? I hoped so.

Soon the time has come. The time of us going to Komaeda's mansion. We maintained a friendly conversation to not think too much of what awaited us at his place. I was afraid of being rejected, Souda of him doing something crazy.. and Nanami of him hurting any of us. Most likely. It was just my deduction, as always. After half of an hour we stood before his mansion and I was the one who knocked. Komaeda opened the door sooner than I had expected and greeted me in a way I can't have predicted. He literally jumped on me, hugging me tightly.

"Ahh.. Hinata-kun, I missed you!" his voice was warm and full of something which could come off as longing, but I couldn't be sure. "You're earlier than usually..!" he sobbed into my arm and I patted his back, while my cheeks dusted with pink in embarrassment.  

"Ehhh... wellll...." I realised that he must've not noticed his other two guests.

He drew himself away and soon enough acknowledged their presence. His eyes widened. "Na.. Nanami-san.. and.. Souda..?" he smiled nervously and made a step back. I grabbed his hand tightly. "I..."

"W-wait, Komaeda!" I begged him. "They.. they won't hurt you." I said softly, my tone of voice was soothing.

"I know.. I-I just.. am not ready, I.." he looked at me with those teary eyes. "I..." I patted his head and hushed him.

"Let's just have a tea. I promise to make you up all of this later, okay?" I said to him swallowing down my pride. Saying such things to him before our other classmates was just awkward and embarrassing. I bet they wanted an explanation or two. He nodded after a while.

After 15 minutes we all were sitting down on couches. Me and Komaeda on one and on the other side of the table on other couch, Nanami and Souda. Everyone had a cup of steaming tea made by Komaeda. I sipped some of it; I was as good as always and I let out a satisfied hum.

"So.... are you two dating?" asked Souda with his oblivious expression.

I chocked on the tea and started coughing intensely. My face started growing red both from coughing and embarrassment. I didn't know how Komaeda reacted at it, I didn't have guts to look at him. I was a bit curious, but I honestly was quite glad that I hadn't seen his reaction.  He  could.. feel offended to be questioned about that. We weren't dating after all. I wish we were- g-god. I coughed once again. "W-what the fuck-- no, we are not!!" I frowned and placed my cup firmly on its plate. "I mean.. ehh.. w-we.." suddenly Komaeda leaned closer to me and whispered _not_ quietly so that everyone could hear what was he whispering.

"Hi-na-ta-kun, lying is no good. I'm disappointed in you." I flinched and my whole face turned crimson red. That bustard..  

"HuHH Huhhuhuh..w-what??" I looked at him confused and flustered and all I could see on his face was an innocent expression.

"Please, don't listen to him; I just.. visit him from time to time. And that's all.. I mean..."  everyone laughed in sync. God. They were the worst.

After they had calmed down Nanami looked at Komaeda with something close to relief. "..you seem better than the last time I've seen you, Komaeda." said Nanami, while supporting her chin on her palms. _S-so they did talk with each other before I came by..._ I drank up the whole tea at once trying to hide jealousy with that act. "You could.. come back to school... someday. I mean... we.. at least I.." she bit her lip, clearly struggling with herself. "think it was an accident. You weren't at fault.. even if it did seem so." her voice seemed careful.

Komaeda shook his head. "I was naive to think that my presence wouldn't result in any harm for my classmates. I don't want to hurt any of you any more... I.." I placed my hand gently on his shoulder.

"There's no need to rush.. you can think about it carefully. Either way, you can count on me!" I giggled to him and seeing my smile cheered him up.

"Thank you.. Hinata-kun." he smiled with gratitude yet I could still see sorrow in his grey-green orbs.

After we all had finished drinking the tea, we stood up and went towards exit. Suddenly, when they both had already exited, I stopped before the doorstep. "I-I forgot something.. you can go ahead without me!" I lied. I just wanted to spend a little bit more time with him. We weren't dating, I didn't even know, if our feelings were mutual, since Komaeda was hard to read, but I still treasured time with him more than anything. And I still considered him as someone special to me.

"Komaeda.. back then.. why did you say that I was lying?" I asked curiously.

He blushed tenderly. "O-oh.. I was just teasing you.. somehow, it helped me to ease my nerves and I hope you can forgive me it." he smiled care-freely.

"Oh, I get it. That's not anything you should apologize for." ahh I was kind of disappointed with his answer. Still.. I was glad he somehow went through the situation. His relations with our classmates seemed tragic, but maybe one day he indeed would be able to go back to school and others would accept him? I hoped so. He deserved a normal life.

"I'll get going then, Komaeda. Good-" before I managed to finish the sentence his lips crushed on mine. Since three weeks it became quite normal for us to farewell each other in that way, but this time surprised me. He.. just.. was too emotional for me to comprehend. But I didn't dislike it. "See you on Friday?" I made sure while flashing at him a warm, excited smile.

He nodded and grabbed my hand. "Can you.. stay overnight at my place?" he asked hesitantly. "I know that spending time with me is no fun and that you'd be bored and-" I chuckled.

"With pleasure~" I answered happily. "See you later, Komaeda." I said my farewell and exited his mansion. Nanami and Souda were nowhere to be seen. I didn't mind though, I was fine on my own after all.         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was a fine chapter..! ;w; Someone inspired me to change a bit my fic, or rather motivated me to improve it.. so I'd be sad if I screwed it up :'D It's kinda sad rn.. I know, but I promise that there will be lots of fluff in this story sooner or later ~


	4. Chapter 4

Knowing that step by step I was getting closer to the hell, which was my house, was making me feel pain in my chest. If I wasn't such a good boy, I would run away already years ago—but I was. I decided to get used to the weight of my parents being fucking idiots rather than look for an alternative. But wait— there was none either way. Beside parents I had only my aunt and Izuru... and they were not a good alternative. Although my aunt was a way better person than my mom was, I still... I.. I wouldn't want to live under the same roof as that damn talented genius. I didn't have a reason to hate him... he didn't do anything wrong.. but if I could, I would send him to hell.

I smiled with a hint of insanity in my smile, but soon it faded from my face as I approached my house.   

My parents were talking something to me, but I didn't hear anything and as soon as I got into my room, I fell onto my bed and hugged the sheets tightly going back in my thoughts to mine and Komaeda's farewell. "Hehe.. he wants me to stay overnight at his place..?~" I smirked. I couldn't help feeling incredibly excited about that. Spending a weekend at his place seemed as a way better idea than staying home and letting my parents keep damaging my mental health.

I lazily got rid of my pants and laid down on my back, while not worrying about the homework neither the next day's school... I would normally worry about all of it very much, but I couldn't, since the thought of Komaeda wanting me to stay at his place was just too intriguing. _Why did he suggest it? What are his intentions? What will we do? Same things as always? Where will I sleep? Maybe w-with.. h—_ I had so many questions and the more they progressed the literally worse they were. I shook my head in order to get a grip before I'd think about something that I'd feel ashamed of.  

"I'm just... helping him. My feelings are genuine... I don't expect anything.." I kept saying those words to calm myself down. I hated that in reality, my feelings were opposite to the words I had said. It was not as if they weren't genuine.. but I knew that it wasn't like I wasn't hoping for him to notice my feelings, which I grew for him, and maybe even reciprocate them at least somewhat. Give me hope. Make me feel alive and so on..  

I pulled up my sleeve looking at my arm in the soft moonlight; I couldn't help a disgusted smile to crawl onto my face. "I.. don't want to think what would he think, if he saw what I’ve been doing to myself..." I pulled it back down shutting my eyes tightly not wanting to drown further into my pessimistic thoughts.

Suddenly I received a message to my displease. "Goddammit.." I groaned and looked at my phone lazily.

**unknown: Hello~**

**unknown: it's Hajime Hinata, right?**

W-what the heck? I frowned deeply and blinked a few times to see if it isn't just a dream. I didn't recall giving anyone my phone number. If I had to guess, I'd say that it could be someone from my class, after all only they might've somehow got an access to our attendance register. I was rather cautious about giving my personal information; there was no way someone from the Internet would be able to lay their hands on any of them and if so especially not on my phone number.

 _Don't answer it.. ignore.. don't play with the fire, Hajime. It's not a good idea..._ I said to myself in my thoughts, while my finger was already reducing the distance and slowly placing on the screen of my phone. But in the end, it was hard to fight off my curiosity.  

**me: who the fuck are you?**

I wrote and waited for the reply which came sooner than I had expected.

**unknown: me? Oh.. no one important~**

**unknown: but... I know something about Komaeda which may interest you ♡**

I bit my lip feeling that it is not a good idea to ask them about anything; it was too suspicious. No one writes you out of sudden offering information exchange for nothing in recompense. They had to have some motives. Nonetheless, in the end, I decided to listen to them thinking that I am smart enough to divide a truth from a lie.                  

**me: What do you want from me?**

**unknown: That is not important, is it?**

**unknown: Let's talk about Komaeda~!**

_What the fuck is wrong with that person..?_ I thought, while trying to judge the messages objectively, but.. what seemed off was that they didn't want to say a thing about themselves yet they obviously knew something about me... and the fact that I was interested in Komaeda's case. "I wasn't careful enough.." I thought aloud while waiting for the information which the stranger person was going to provide me.

**unknown: I bet you're curious why Komaeda is not present at school anymore, aren't you?**

**unknown: you’re such a curious boy, ain’t you? And that curiosity of yours surely will be the death of you :3**

**me: Fuck off**

I was salty that even strangers were saying to me such things. I sighed.

**unknown: So.. you see...**

**unknown: Komaeda is a murderer!**

**unknown: I wouldn't try to get along with him if I were you**

I needed a moment to try to grasp the meaning of their words. That seemed to me like some sick joke. Why did they think I would believe them in the first place? I decided to not answer them anymore and block them, but before I did that, I had received another and the last at the same time message.

**unknown: If you don't believe me, ask him directly :0**

I laughed feeling mixed. "Yeah I surely will..!" my laugh didn't sound too sane. "Hey Komaeda, tell me.. are you a murderer? Y'know, I'm just curious.." _not. What the heck. I can't even ask him about that, not to mention that it sounds like some serious bullshit! Let's start with me not believing it that sick lie..._ My hand, which held lightly the phone, slowly fell from the bed. I let go of my phone letting it fall with a muffled by a carpet sound.

 I was aware that Komaeda was hiding something.. that he had some clear reason to be absent, but if he was a murderer as that person said.. he wouldn't be _just_ absent; he would've been already in prison. After all, no one can get away with a murder that easily. _That had to be a sick joke._ I concluded. Soon after I started feeling really tired even though the hour still wasn't that late. I fell asleep in a moment.

That night I had a dream. About Komaeda. I paid him a visit, so it probably was that visit I was going to pay him in a few days. The dream seemed unbelievably realistic. He welcomed me with a large smile and offered a cup of tea as he usually tended to. I had my eyes on him all the time; his gestures, soft, puzzled smiles, innocent eyes and their mysterious gleam; I was observing closely all of that. Everything about him was intriguing me as always. It seemed like just another visit of mine, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"Hinata-kun..." he asked me with concern. "You look so pale... how do you feel?" he asked while tilting his head cutely with a worried smile plastered on his face.  

"How do I.." I looked at myself in my phone's display. My skin, without a doubt, was pale as fuck. Also, I felt numb and weird, exactly like that rainy evening, when we had met for the very first time. That nostalgic, burning, awful feeling in my body was spreading throughout my body making me feel quite feverish but mostly tired and dazed. "What the hell did you give me?" I asked and I didn't understand why I assumed so. I might've just caught a cold or something.

"Oh." suddenly his innocent expression was replaced with a cold, ruthless one. "I thought you wouldn't find it out as quickly as you did.. just some sleeping pills~" he said, while my eyes noticed a small movement of his hands. No wonder the tea had a familiar aftertaste as that cacao— He was holding something behind his back and he noticed me staring at his hands. "Ahh.. that?" he pretended to be surprised, but suddenly his expression became too obvious. He had lust in his eyes and not the one I would appreciate; bloodlust.

He let me see what he was holding, a simple pocket knife. God. I would have to be an idiot to not realize what was going on. I swallowed down dryly. "W-why..?" I stuttered a short question, while he was inspecting the blade carefully.    

"Why?" he tilted his head. "Because you know something you shouldn't.." he smiled with pity. "I'm disappointed.. if Hinata-kun had blocked that person sooner, I wouldn't have had to do that..! That's truly a shame.." he sighed and placed the sharp tip of the knife on my chest, right where my loudly beating heart was. I felt paralyzed and couldn't move. Even if I tried to put a fight, because of the pills, it wouldn't change a thing.  

"H-how did you—!!" he had stuck the blade into my chest without any hesitation before I managed to ask him how he had found out that I knew that something which I shouldn't know.

Blood was everywhere.. on my shirt, on my hands, on my legs, it was a mesmerizing feeling, definitely far more intense than cutting the skin on my left arm. The blood was pouring out of me like a crimson red, disgusting yet very warm, thick liquid. My vision was blurring from blood loss, the effect of overdosing sleeping pills and overwhelming pain.

It all felt realistic nevertheless something felt off about it all and I realized that as I woke up all of sudden while rising up from my bed and sweating intensely. "G-GOD FUCKING—" I touched my chest trying to sense if any blood was there.. somehow I still could feel that pain in there, but there was no blood. I sighed in relief and fell onto the bed. I hadn't known that I was a person who would worry about such a thing. Komaeda was not a murderer. That had to be some kind of misunderstanding, joke or an accident. I calmed myself down while trying to think rationally.     

It had taken me almost half of an hour before I fully calmed down. It was terrifying how realistic everything had felt in the dream and how I could feel the blade going through my chest and the warmth of my own blood. But what hurt me the most was Komaeda's behavior. It was.. as if I meant less than nothing to him. After that time I laughed at myself feeling ashamed of being such an anxious human being. I thought that I was stronger than that, but my subconscious didn't quite agree with that.

I looked at my phone. It was past 3am and I was hoping to get some sleep after that awful nightmare, however, unluckily for me I wouldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I would try. It was that kind of night which I was going to spend on laying down and looking expressionless through the window, while just thinking and observing the changes in the night sky. I remember closing my eyes plenty of times just to open them a moment later having that weird kind of conviction that the rest of this night would truly be sleepless for me, so trying would be pretty much pointless.

Surprisingly the night passed quite quickly. As if someone put me into a trance or forced me to time travel without my knowledge. I looked at my phone yet again. "It's already past 7am, huh.." I said to myself and yawned. That day was just Wednesday, I still had to survive somehow through those two days... then the Friday would come. Finally. I honestly wasn't sure what was making me hopeful. My feelings for Komaeda? Or maybe just the peacefulness of having something to look forward to? If I had to guess, I'd say that both.

I swiftly stood up from my bed and dressed up, while having that dream in the back of my head as well as the texts from that unknown number. Everything around me seemed to be trying to tell me to give up on Komaeda and leave him alone. But I was too stubborn to give up, I didn't give a fuck about the world and what it had to say. I had decided and I was going to help him no matter what.

I fixed my tie before the mirror and sighed. Since a month or even more, I totally left all the learning in oblivion and it was setting an anxious feeling in my chest. "Oh god.. I surely will fuck up my next week's exams.." I smiled to myself with a clear sorrow. "What's more.. if I do... my parents.. ughh—" I shivered and shook my head. "Okay.. I'd rather not think about that." I laughed in awe. My eyes were slightly puffed from the lack of sleep and you wouldn't have to be a genius to see that I wasn't feeling alright. But if I played it well enough no one would notice that, and I knew that I was able to pull it off; I hated others worrying about me, I found it unnecessary and even troubling since I didn't believe in their sincerity.

"Hajime—" I heard my mother's voice.

"Huh. What?" I answered with a hint of despise.

"You have a guest.." she said with disbelief since I hadn't invited any friend over my house since primary school. "It's a girl..her name's Chiaki Nanami-san." she said in cold manner as if it was troubling her that she was before that damn door.

"Oh, really?" I frowned. I was as surprised as her, to be honest. I quickly packed my books and other necessary things and exited my house in order to get to know the reason why she had paid me a visit before the school.

What annoyed me a bit was that, before we started talking she had been playing on her console without saying a single word about her visit's reason neither even a freaking 'good morning' through half of our way towards the school. It was so awkward. "Oh.. Hinata-kun." she looked at me surprised while frowning and rubbing her eyes as if she was wondering if it was not just a dream of hers or something. 

"Oh, I beg you.. don't act as if you were surprised to see me next to you." I groaned. "Weren't you the one who picked me up from under my house..?" I raised one eyebrow and sighed. 

"Ahh.. true. I forgot." she yawned and put her console into her pink, kitty shaped bag. Her eyes focused on the way ahead and her light pink hair fluttered in the soft breeze. "I wanted to talk with you about something..." she said mysteriously.

"Y-yeah..?" I said unsurely.

"Do you want to know what incident made Komaeda stop attending our classes?" she said with her soft, lazy voice. Even though it sounded just like always it was tinted with sadness and uneasiness.

"Yeah.. but.." I stopped. "Why do you want to tell it? Why now? I thought you wanted to burry down the case and make everyone forget about it..." I was mad at myself for questioning her motives; I should've just used her sudden willingness to talk.

"Oh, because you're butting in everywhere and sneaking only to get to know it. It's annoying.." she said while fixing the pink ribbon on her chest. "And dangerous.. I'm worried about you. B-but not only I am..." she looked at me with sad eyes, her cheeks tinted with slight pink. "Hinata-kun.. if you keep doing that you can get in serious trouble.." her voice cracked. Why did she care about me? She shouldn't.. it wasn't like I deserved that after all. It was all my choice to do that and if I got in trouble it would be my and only my fault and I'd bear the consequences without a single complaint.

"Serious trouble..? What do you mean by that?" I said at the same time letting out a mocking laugh. I just couldn't believe that I could get into any. It was attending a normal school, with normal students.. one of them got into trouble and stopped attending school and I just wanted to get to know why.. in what kind of trouble I could get?

She sighed and shook her head. "Enoshima Junko.. just stay away from her. Okay? Can you promise me that?" she looked at me sharply. I looked down gulping down my growing anxiety. "It's partly her fault that Komaeda ended up the way he did.. I think. It's just my assumption though..." she said with doubt while gazing somewhere into the distance and biting her lip. 

"Oh-kay.." I laughed nervously. _Who the heck is that? And how is she connected with.. with Komaeda?_ I would feel shameful, if anyone was able to look into my filthy heart; I felt mostly jealousy after hearing that after all.  

"Anyway.. can you tell me about—" suddenly someone hit my back firmly. I coughed a few times and did my best to not let my knees to bend under the pressure.   

"Hey, dude!!" shouted well... Souda. Because who else could it be? "Are you two going to school together? How sweet! I'm truly sorry if I interrupted you something..!" he grinned and with his dreamy eyes continued. "If only I had the guts to ask Sonia-san to go to school with me.. ahh..~" he sighed still thinking about his dream world. "B-but she has eyes only for.. f-for that hamster freak..!" he started cursing at the guy with the help of all the bad words existing in English language and I wondered why did I have to listen to all of it.  

"Look; it's not like that." I looked over Nanami seeking for her back up, but instead, she averted my eyes blushing a bit more. "She was going to tell me something ab—" Souda butted in once again.   

"About Komaeda." he said with excessively bored voice and sighed. "That much I guessed already.." he rolled his eyes dismissively, "you're so predictable." he chuckled. "I was just teasing you.. 'kay? I bet you two will make a cute couple!" he laughed cheerfully. "Poor Nanami though.." he sighed while shaking his head.    

I groaned annoyed. I wondered if he was offering me his support or trying to piss me off. "H-haha.. thanks." I brushed my hand awkwardly through my hair. "Anyway, Nanami.. can you tell me—" this time she interrupted my sentence.   

"Forget about it. I won't tell you, Hinata-kun, you idiot.." she sulked, her cheeks puffed and she even turned her face away from me facing the other side. _Oh God, what exactly did I do wrong?_   

Soon we reached the school gate and I could forget about my question being answered to my disappointment. _If I only hadn't questioned her motives, I would have the answers to at least half of my questions..._ I sobbed. _That's unfair..!_ I pouted.    

The rest of the day and the next one is not something, which would be interesting to mention. After all I was doing my best to learn in order to not fail completely the exams in the next week, however, no matter how hard I would learn, I felt as if I couldn't hammer anything into my fucking head. I felt stupid.   

But the stupid me still was looking forward to spending his time with Komaeda after my Friday's classes and staying overnight at his enormous, painfully silent mansion. At least before my parents would commit a murder to get rid of their talentless failure son, I could have a chance to spend a nice weekend with someone who I quite liked. Maybe even loved. Who knows. Because I didn't. Ever since I got to know him I started questioning, if I ever even knew what love means. What I felt towards him was something subtle and definitely beyond description.  

"Hinata..kun." said Komaeda while opening the door for me, after I had appeared before his doorstep and knocked on the door. "Is it really.. you?" he asked silly as if he was so happy to see me that he couldn't even believe his own eyes that I was there before him. 

"Y-yeah.." I scratched my cheek awkwardly, while my cheeks grew a tender, red tinge.

"C-can we hug and go inside instead of staring at each other like that?" I asked sheepishly soon chuckling to not make him feel as if what I said was meant to be offensive.   

"O-oh.. naturally!" he looked on the side and probably waited for me to greet him as the first one, so I touched his white, fluffy hair tucking it behind his ear to see his expression more clearly. It was so innocently beautiful, even pure. Everything about him always seemed as if it wasn't from this world and it was always making me feel so weirdly nervous, yet happy to be able to be by his side. I hugged him unsurely yet as soon as I embraced him with my arms I felt as if all of my previous doubt was taken away from me and replaced with the purest kind of happiness and peacefulness. He hugged me back and caressed my back softly making me feel even nicer, perhaps even too nice. He grabbed my hand softly. "Let's go inside, it's so unsightly of me to keep you outside!" he said with remorse.

He murmured softly "I-I missed you, Hinata-kun." and probably thought that I didn't hear it, but I did. And it made my heart to flutter. "I missed you too!" I said while smiling at him deviously.   

"A-ahh you heard that.." he laughed in embarrassment. "Forget.. someone like me is not allowed to miss your accompany, after all, I shouldn't be expecting you to visit me or so and—"  

"It's fine. I'm actually happy to hear that, you know." I said genuinely, not trying to hide that fact.

"But—" I patted his hair sinking my hand into the soft, fluffy cloud and enjoying their structure and softness against my skin.  

"Shh, let's just enjoy our time. There's no need for you to trouble yourself with thinking about that." I said softly careful not to offend him.   

"Ahh.. I-if Hinata-kun says so..." he said unsurely while frowning and leading me towards the living room. I could scent the smell of earl gray with lemon, my favorite tea since it was the most normal and common one ever. I didn't feel too good about drinking some fancy teas, so it was very kind of him to make such a tea with the thought of satisfying my tastes.  

"I do." I said firmly, yet kindly. We sat in front of each other and I hated the fact that he was so close and at the same time so far away from me.  

"S-so how have you been, Komaeda?" I asked with a hint of curiosity hiding before my plainly sounding voice.  He tilted his head and put a finger on his chin pondering for a moment, before answering my question. "Good, I think." he said while flashing at me a charming smile.

"I've been thinking about you.. and even though I shouldn't.. I.. was waiting anxiously to see you again." he admitted while looking at me with longing written all over his pale, pristine face. "Ahh! I have something for you, Hinata-kun!" he announced happily and his excited smile pierced through my heart like an arrow making me smile like an idiot.

"What do you have for me?" I blushed a bit while imagining what possibly it might've been.

"Ahh.. nothing that interesting..." he said with remorse as if he felt bad for making me excited. "Just.." he stood up and placed something flat in my hands, a paper. "A poem... I-I know it's lame to write such nowadays, b-but—" I laughed softly and kissed his hand. "It's really sweet of you, I'll take care of it~" I thought that I sounded cool, but in reality I was blushing like a moron and barely able to answer him properly, since I was surprised that he had taken his time to write something (probably) as romantic and sweet for me. "Thank you." I said with gratitude and felt bad for not having anything in return.   

And as if he read that from my face, he said "It's fine, Hinata-kun! I'm not expecting you to give me anything in return! I just.." he said puzzled. "Felt like showing you how much I appreciate everything you did for someone as worthless as me!" _Oh.. s-so it isn’t **that**_ _kind_ **** _of poem… I-I’m such a fucking idiot to get so worked up!_ I hit my temple with my fist, not too strong, but enough to startle and make Komaeda worry. “H-Hinata-kun..! What are you doing?!” he grabbed my hand firmly as if he was worried that I have gone crazy and needed to be restrained. By accident, he spilled my tea, which I was holding, on my shirt. It wasn’t hot anymore luckily. His grey-green eyes widened in concern as he realized what he had done

“A-ahh that..” I laughed awkwardly and looked away. “Please, don’t mind that! It’s nothing you should worry about, really..” said dismissively.

“Ahh... I’m such a failure! I ruined your shirt…” he took a towel from a table and tried to wipe the stain away, but it only made me chuckle since there was no way it’d help, but still.. it was cute that he tried. “I-I only.. I didn’t mean to…” he looked away from me

“I know.” I looked at him with understanding and patted his head soothingly. “Don’t call yourself that. It could happen to anyone.. and you didn’t do me any harm, see?” I unbuttoned my shirt to show him that there wasn’t any burn on my chest. “It’s just a stain.” I tried to calm him down with my words since patting alone didn’t seem to be enough.

“Can I-” Komaeda started and I interrupted him most likely misunderstanding his intentions completely.

“N-no..! P-please, a shower will do me enough!” I pushed him away flustered.

He frowned deeply and tilted his head. He was staring into my eyes with fondness. “H-huh? Hinata-kun, you’re acting so weird today~” he chuckled. His chuckle was charming yet teasing. If it was just teasing, I’d think that he was mocking me. “I’ll wait for you, take your time..” he said to me, while I drank up my tea and nodded assuring him that I understood. “If I recall correctly you should be able to find there a clean towel and so on, but be sure to call me if you need anything~” I thought that it was very kind of him, but I doubted that he would hear me if I indeed called him. I nodded at that anyway and left him behind while heading upstairs.

“I-if I recall correctly.. it should be here.” I opened the first door on the right and it seemed I remembered the bathroom’s location quite well. I decided to take a very quick shower rather than let Komaeda wait ages for me. Anyway... I felt kind of uncomfortable using his shower. Mostly because I knew that he was once using it too.. naked, so yeah my teenage imagination and hormones were getting in the way.

When I finished showering realized that I indeed had taken some comfy shorts to sleep with me in the backpack, but I hadn’t taken any shirt for some weird reason. I probably was nervous, while wondering what to take and ended up forgetting about half of the important things.. I at least had taken a toothbrush though. I sighed in relief, after checking for the second time, if it really was there.

It wouldn’t be a problem for me to go out of the bathroom with my upper half naked if I looked normal. I mean.. I wasn’t getting that embarrassed around him, probably. Anyway.. the point is that I didn’t look normal.

I looked into the mirror which wasn’t reflecting my reflection too well, because of the fog. But I didn’t bother myself to get rid of the fog, that way it was better. I still had a problem for which I needed to find a good solution. _He can’t see my scars, wounds.. h-he can’t.. I’d disappoint him… he’d hate me, despise me.. think low of me-_ I didn’t even realize in what moment I accidentally reopened one of my newest wounds, but soon as I did I cursed myself in my thoughts for not being careful enough. It was hard to stop the bleeding, but as soon as I did I started looking for anything I could wear to hide the wounds and which wouldn’t look suspicious at the same time.

The only option was the stained, long-sleeved, white shirt I was wearing before. I sighed and dressed it up, leaving it unbuttoned out of laziness and soon I was on my way to Komaeda.

 

**Komaeda’s POV**

In the meantime, when Hinata-kun was taking a shower, I was waiting for him, while slowly, without any rush, drinking my cherry white tea. I loved its scent, it was so lovely and subtle and tasted equally amazing, very deep and complex. 

I wondered what I could suggest for me and Hinata-kun to do this evening and night. We had plenty of time. It’s not like I would mind doing what we always tended to do, talking I mean, but maybe he was already getting bored of that? Maybe he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings, that’s why he was staying quiet about that?

Suddenly I heard Hinata-kun’s phone ringing. My first thought was to ignore it, but when I accidentally noticed that it was his dad ringing him I thought that he could get in trouble for not picking up, so I did that instead of him.

 _"Hajime, you fucking brat.. y-you should be at home. Learning. Where the fuck are you even at this very moment, hmm…?”_ by the tone of his voice I guessed that he wasn’t the nicest person ever, had problems with anger and that Hinata-kun didn’t tell me about the sleepover.

I took a deep breath, trying to not yell back at Hinata-kun’s father no matter how angry it made me that if it wasn’t me, he’d be shouting like that at the most precious person for me.

“I’m sorry.. I’m not Hajime.” I said carefully.

He took a moment to understand that and act according to the newly learned fact. _“Oh. Could you tell Hajime to go to pick up that damn phone and—”_

“I can’t.” I said firmly and coldly.

 _"Can’t..?”_ there was a pause. _“Who are you, kid?”_ he said clearly annoyed. I thought that he wanted to actually say ‘who do you think you are to talk to me so?’, but held back from it.

“Hinata’s friend.” _but I shamelessly wish I could be more than that._  I admitted to my own self. The silence informed me that it wasn’t enough of information for him. “Nagito. Nagito Komaeda. I’m his classmate.” _kind of._ It wasn’t a lie, but it was hard to call us classmates since I barely was attending classes and only was writing important exams with everyone.

“Komaeda… oh. You’re the only one who has better grades than Hajime. So… I guess you’re helping that idiot to learn for the next week’s exams, right?” his question sounded pretty firm, there was no other answer than yes, which I could say. “That’s right… Hinata-kun is not an idiot though!” I ended the call pissed off, but then regretted acting so rude. _I had no right to talk like that nor end the call in that way. I shouldn’t do that. I could cause him even more problems…_

I stared blankly at the screen of the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh.. so I finally updated something~ x3 I have been sick, so I didn't have the strength to write anything, but today I felt a bit better, so I finished writing the chapter of at least this story! I hope it was fine <3 I always go along with my random ideas and worry that they are crappy and boring af, but I've always been doing that... so I hope this time it hasn't end up worse than usually~ ;w;  
> Thank you for reading this story so far~!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been struggling *a lot* to write this chapter x'0 But I decided to delete some of the things I wrote and write the chapter once again! I'm glad I did that bc now I'm pretty happy with how it turned out x3

“Hinata-kun!” I turned around when I heard his soft footsteps muffled by bunny slippers which he always wore whenever he was at my place. He smiled at me warmly and chuckled probably my reaction at his arrival was too enthusiastic.

"Sorry for taking so long, Ko—" his soft expression was replaced with a deep frown. His eyes laid on my hands which were holding his phone lightly. “O-oh.. oh.” I panicked as I realized that this situation could be easily mistaken and I should’ve just put the phone away before, instead of holding onto it as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "I-it's not like that, Hinata-kun..! It's not.. I swear on my worthless life!" seriousness was written all over my face. I’d rather die than make him hate me. I really didn't want him to think that I had been looking through the personal data on his device after all, I would never dare to do such a disgusting thing and to especially not to him from all people.    

He sat next to me and reassured me with a sweet smile. "Hey, it's okay.. I believe you. Don’t worry so much." his smile was gentle and sincere, maybe even too much. _Why was he smiling like that? Why to me..?_ I sighed in a clear relief—despite my worries about the reasons hiding behind his kindness—and proceeded to answer his unsaid question. "Your dad called you." I said carefully still not feeling sure how much of his dad's and mine conversation should I tell him about. _Will he get mad at me for ending the call in the way I did?_ I wondered. I didn’t want to cause him any trouble nor make a bad impression on his family.

“Wait.. really?” he’d been rubbing his hair with a towel ever since he got here but stopped just now and looked somewhere afar drowning deep in thoughts and losing the touch with reality. I wanted to hug him. But I didn’t have the courage to do that.. I didn’t want to disgust him. And who was I to assume that he had problems with his dad anyway? He didn’t talk with me about his family so I shouldn’t butt in like that.

“It’s been a while since he did honestly.“ he said after a long while sighing and looking down. “I should’ve blocked his number already, I’m a fucking idiot.” he let out a barely audible laugh. “Just the sound of his voice makes me want to cut my throat, goddamit..” he sat down next to me, water was dripping down from him which reminded me about the first time we met, pretty nostalgic.

I couldn’t see his face so I couldn’t be sure if he was serious about his words or not however since he wasn’t the type to say such things lightly, I assumed all he felt towards his father was hatred. And it didn’t surprise me; just one call made me want to kidnap Hinata so that he wouldn’t need to face a person of his likes any longer.

_But I can’t do that, can I?_ I smiled sadly. Blush crept on my face as the idea started delving into my head. I’d be more than happy to have him here with me forever. “Kidnapping is a crime.. isn’t it?” _Though being like that towards such a kind cutie like him is way biggest crime than that._ I’d with pleasure do that but being trapped with a person of my kind doesn’t seem any better so I tried to stop thinking about doing that to him.

“Yeah..?” his eyebrows furrowed even more than ever before. He was beyond confused but so was I, honestly. I didn’t really plan on saying that question out loud after all. Hearing him answering to it kind of spooked me. “What the heck are you thinking of right now, Komaeda?” he supported his chin on his hand and his suppressed laughs filled the room making the atmosphere lighter. He probably didn’t think I was serious about it and just said it in order to light it up a bit, whoops.

It’s better that he thought that way though.

 I handed him the phone in the meanwhile since I completely forgot about it, yet again. “N-nothing much.. hehe.” I smirked at him but deep down I felt a bit distressed and troubled that he with by sheer accident got to know about the plan B I came up with, so I hid my face and embarrassment by hugging my knees tightly until I felt more at ease.

My stare laid on Hinata’s hair, it still was really wet. I shook my head. “That won’t do, Hinata-kun.” I stated confusing him the second time today. “What?” he tilted his head. “You need to rub it more carefully, you don’t want to have a cold once again.. right?” I grinned. It’d be cute if he wanted to get sick again to be able to stay here and make me take care of him! But well.. I don’t want him to be sick so it’s all just in my weird imagination. I coughed to stop laughing in suspicious manner and took the towel rubbing his hair with it—and I confess—I was doing that for longer than needed.

“H-hey, hey, stop, I think it’s dry already..!” he got embarrassed and I believe it was because I got very close to him in order to do that. He reached his hand to take the towel away from me and then I noticed that there was a red stain on his shirt. “Hinata-kun.” My voice got serious. “We need to treat it quickly.” I took his shirt off since it was getting in the way and I didn’t feel like pulling his sleeve up.

“W-wait, what do you think you’re doing?!” his puffed cheeks got rosy. “It was in the way, so..” I smiled at him apologetically and held his wrist gently. The blood wasn’t dripping from the fresh wound any longer but it wasn’t healing yet and the stain was the proof of that. Just looking at it was making my heart to sink, I didn’t like seeing him wounded like that. “I need to disinfect it, hmm.. wait a bit, okay?” I was about to stand up when he let out a sudden ‘oh’. I raised my eyebrow questioning what was surprising about it. “I-I thought you’d lick it, haha..” he got red. “You want me to?” my eyes shone brightly, knowing he thought that made me very happy. “I think it’ll be better to treat it more properly than that but..” I kissed his wound softly a few times. “I couldn’t miss a chance like that.” I smiled cunningly as I picked up his shirt and stood up.

“W-where are you taking it? I don’t want to stay shirtless..” he complained and pouted as the distance was getting bigger between us. “Worry not, I’ll get you something clean instead!” I assured him. Though I’d love him to stay like that, goddammit. It’s a shame hide such a beautiful looking body like his. _It’s a shame that soon I won’t be able to stare at his chest anymore._ I sobbed while looking for some replacement shirt for him, band-aids and a disinfection liquid.

I tried to make it as quick as possible, the state of his wrist really concerned me after all. I’d already known about his wounds there but I kept shut about it the last time, since we were mere strangers when I took care of him that day and that wasn’t my business to ask about it. “Okay, show me your wrist now.” I commanded him and he obediently held it out to me. “It may hurt a bit..” I forewarned him since I didn’t want to surprise him with sudden painful feeling, he nodded and I applied the liquid on his wound. He hissed at that and I found his expression very cute. Soon I placed the patch on his wound and all was good. “Thank you, Komaeda, you didn’t have to though. It’d be fine.” he seemed a bit uneasy.  

“Well.. it’s better to treat those just in case. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you so I couldn’t just leave it like that.” I handed him my shirt and he dressed it up straight away, I assumed he didn’t feel at ease when his wounds were in the spotlight.

“You.. don’t think bad of me?” he got very fidgety when he asked me that. “No, why would I?” I answered him with a question and frowned trying to understand the meaning behind his words. He was like a god to me, the thought of him and word ‘bad’ didn’t come together at all and I could never think anything bad about his person. “Well.. I tried to play strong before you and help you with your problems but.. I’m not coping with things happening around me that well either. I was afraid that it might be disappointing if someone got to know that so didn’t want especially you to know that.” his breathing was shaky and it deceived his nervousness which he tried to hide by maintaining a calm posture. “There’s no need for you to worry so much over such things, Hinata-kun!” I tried to reassure him. “I’d never think bad of you, I’m in no position to do that anyway.” Hearing that he’s going through a lot too made me want to make plan B real even more. When it’d be just me and him I could make sure he’d be treated in the right way.

“I’m relieved then.. oh. By the way.” he brushed the back of his phone his finger. “There’s one thing I want to ask you about.” he breathed in and out trying to calm down. He seemed to be worried about something.


	6. Chapter 6

“Do you know who Enoshima Junko is?” I tried to speak the words out as carefully as I only could, I didn’t want to make him feel bad nor uncomfortable in case she did some bad things to him. I had a hunch and some proofs that there was some hidden connection between him, her and the messages I’d received and I couldn’t feel at ease ever since Nanami told me to stay away from her and that she might’ve been the root of Komaeda’s problems. I’d made up my mind to be straight forward with him, there was no time to waste after all. I didn’t want him to get back into troubles more than anything.

“Enoshima.. hmm.” He started pondering about it and looked as if her name didn’t sound as anything he’d heard before. “Oh! Isn’t she attending Hope’s Peak?” he cocked his head and rubbed his lips with his finger trying to get as much from his brain as possible to satisfy me with the answer. “She’s our senior, I think. I’ve never talked with her though.” he said while shrugging and smiled at me.

“You haven’t.. wait, what.” I was gaping at him and trying to understand what was going on. I was more than sure that they knew each other, maybe were friends even or something, but if they weren’t.. then why did Nanami think she was the one responsible for the things that stumbled upon him?

I yawned and stretched my arms, I was getting sleepy. At this point, I came to a conclusion that I’d been worrying about those things for way too long and should just leave them all aside. Komaeda was doing fine and the girl wasn’t really causing any problems and only might’ve been the one who sent me some hella confusing, stupid messages. _Maybe she simply doesn’t want me to get closer with Komaeda and that was her motive?_ The explanation seemed pretty reasonable to me, only the fact that he didn’t seem to know her was strange, however, reality often is stranger than fiction, right? Asking him about her relieved me from the uneasiness I’d been feeling ever since I got the messages and heard about her.

“Never mind then. You can forget about her and what I said.” I sighed clearly relieved and brushed my hair with my hand sensing that they still weren’t completely dry.

Komaeda seemed to feel lost in the situation, though, it’s not like I blamed him for that, furthermore, I thought it was a pretty normal reaction. I hid from him that I’d known him way before we met in that memorable rainy day and, what’s far more important, that I’d been investigating his person as well as his past and trying to understand what was the cause of his absence. Obviously, I had stopped that ever since I got to know him. I’m not that much of a creep to do some background checks on people instead of asking them about things. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t worried and wanted to hear about the things that happened to him at school though.. _That reminds me. He was about to tell me about that once, wasn’t he? I want to try asking him about it one more time, maybe even today, if possible._

I looked over him, my words must’ve disturbed him as his eyebrows furrowed and he was inhaling air in a nervous manner. “Is something on your mind, Hinata-kun?” he held my hand tightly making me jump a bit on the couch. His touch was too sudden and seriously took me aback. Not only that did though, the sudden change of his voice was even as scary. “W-why do you ask..?” he was still holding my hand and speaking very close to me, my heart couldn’t take it. I was looking on the sides visibly averting his piercing stare. “You’ve been acting strange today.” he was getting closer to me and I was inching further away whenever he did that eventually hitting my back against the armrest. _D-damn._ “I care about you more than you can imagine, Hinata-kun. I can notice when something is off.” he was acting fucking scary when trying to show that he cared about me, it’s good that he explained himself otherwise I’m not sure how would I interpret his actions.

“I-it’s just that..” his closeness wasn’t help me to stay composed. “S-someone send me some creepy as fuck messages, that’s all. It’s probably just some girl being a bitch towards me and trying to frick me out or something.” My explanation seemed to only deepen his worries. “H-hey, c’mon, it’s not such a big deal, really.” our lips were just a few centimetres away and I could feel his breath on my face whenever he spoke; at this point it was coming off to me as if he was doing it all on purpose. I was cursing all sorts of things at him in my head but deep down I was happy to be put in situation like this. I just wasn’t honest about it with myself, I still didn’t want to acknowledge that I fell for him after all.

“Huh.” his face got scary. Especially the eyes, he looked ready to kill me. “show me those.” he demanded but soon after he realized how much exactly he frightened me, he inched away from me and bowed his head apologetically. “I-I didn’t mean to act like that, forgive me..! ” he hid his head feeling embarrassed of his previous actions and words. “I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, though.. I’m–“

I interrupted him since I didn’t want him to loathe himself. “N-nah, i-it’s fine.. haha.” I still wasn’t feeling good about all that happened but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. _Why the fuck knowing about those made him snap like that?_ “I-it’s just..” he stuttered while looking down. “I got worried.” he said after hesitating a lot before doing that. “Is someone hitting on you?” he asked bluntly.

“..n-no?” I blushed at that since I was expecting everything but that. _What the fuck kind of question is that even, I don’t follow._ “You can be honest with me, no need to hide it.” he looked in the opposite direction supporting his both palms on the couch. “Was it the girl you mentioned before?” I sighed, I couldn’t believe he assumed that out of every possible scenarios. “Hell no. Would anyone try hit on me by fricking the crap outta me?” I answered with a question and he actually took a while to think about it and tilted his head.

“What’s so weird about it?” he appeared offended, strangely. “Just now.. wasn’t I doing that as well?” he said emotionless not even looking in my direction. “...” I was wordless and then a brief moment later, the realization hit me. “W-wait. A-are you saying that you were hitting on me?!” I shouted at him, my face reddened. Despite feeling happy about it, I felt more angry and my fist felt itchy and wanted to punch him in the face. He just smirked and didn’t say anything more about it. Maybe it was his intention, since, because of that, it stayed on my mind and was making me wonder what were his intentions towards me. Either he was serious about it, in is weird way, or teasing me yet again.

“A-anyway..” I said in order to break the awkward silence. “It was nothing like that. Here you go.” I handed him my phone so he could read the messages. “You can see them for yourself.” he took the phone and read the messages carefully. “First off. You shouldn’t answer to strangers’ messages, that’s dangerous, Hinata-kun.” he said while still reading.

“I-I know that! I’m not a kid!!” I sulked at him. He was right about that.. but I just couldn’t help my curiosity back then. Not that I ever could.

“Huh.. about me? That’s weird..” he said to himself and suddenly he froze completely. He didn’t say anything to me for over 5 minutes and since there wasn’t much to read it was wasn’t like he was just focusing on reading, it seemed more like.. he lost touch with reality. His face took an ever paler shade than usually and his hands started shaking a bit. He bit his lip and even though I couldn’t see blood dripping down from his lips, I was more than sure he bit it hard enough to create a wound there. “K.. k-komaeda?” said hesitantly not knowing what to do. “I.. think I know who sent you them.” he said unsurely as if he didn’t believe it. “I’m sorry.” he handed the phone back to me. “What she told you, it’s all true. I killed someone, Hinata-kun.” He stood up from the coach. “And that’s why I told you to stay away from me.. yet you didn’t listen to me, why.. Hinata-kun. Just please.. leave me alone. I’m not a good person as you.” he looked at me sharply.

“I refuse to believe that.” I said firmly and grabbed his arm to stop him from going away. “I obviously have no idea what happened in the past but I believe in you and I’m sure you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” I didn’t feel any kind of hesitation. I’d got to know him well past those few weeks and maybe it was bold of me to say that I knew him but.. I just couldn’t picture him as anything like a coldblooded murderer. It had to be a misunderstanding of some sorts.. right?

He was silent for a bit just to burst out with a desperate laugh a moment later making me feel at the edge. “Are you sure about that? What do you know..?” he looked deep into my eyes. They looked empty, soulless.. as if he didn’t feel anything anymore or tried to hide his true feelings deep in his subconscious. “I could’ve been misleading you on purpose, my kindness might’ve been nothing more than a lie.. you’re really naive. Just because you’re good to people doesn’t mean they’ll be good to you.” I had to jerk my head up to in order to look into his eyes, it was making my neck hurt. “Haven’t the guys at school warned you? Haven’t they told you to stay away..?” he continued. I didn’t know what to make out of his words. As much as I’d already known that he acted strangely at times, I hadn’t seen him like that before and saying things like that. I felt like it was all my fault.   

“I..” no word came after that making me feel like an idiot on top of that. I wanted to say something just on point but I couldn’t find the right words, but maybe that was the point. Maybe there isn’t anything like ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ to begin with.

I closed my eyes since looking into the abyss of his gray eyes wasn’t helping me to speak with confidence. “I want to know more about you, I like you.” I didn’t really intend to say _that_ but those were the only thoughts which formed in my mind. “The things people say don’t scare me out at all nor have any kind of value to me, after all, most of them judge based on what they can see at the first glance. It’s damn unfair and I don’t want to be like that.” I took a deep breath. “Just because people say bad things about you doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, you know? I want to spend time with you and understand you, Komaeda. Not just assume whatever crap they did.” I was feeling nervous when saying that. _What kind of expression is he making now..?_ I opened my eyes to see it for myself.

He was clearly holding back his tears  and I still couldn’t see anything more than darkness if his eyes. I knew that my words wouldn’t change much though. “H-Hinata-kun.. you’re way too kind.” he took a step back and seemed to be struggling with his own self. “Just a moment ago I admitted that I’m a murderer and you’re still standing here and telling me such sweet, understanding words.. why..?” a tear ran down his place cheek and a weak smile crept of his face.

“Haven’t I said already?” I smiled back to him and pulled him closer to me by his sleeve. “I want to understand you. You’re the first person I’m so interested in and I don’t really understand it myself so I want to spend more time with you. You and my feeling are the biggest mysteries of my whole lifetime, to be honest.” I chuckled and tried to hide it with some coughs since I didn’t feel like it was in place to laugh.

“You’re weird.” His eyebrows raised as he was completely mesmerised by my words. His face was so pale that even though he barely blushed it was contrasting with the deadly white shades which his face took making it stand out a lot.

“Well.. thank you, Komaeda.” I said cynically. I didn’t expect him to insult me like that, especially not just after I kind of confessed my feelings to him. Kind of, since I wouldn’t really call it a serious confession or a confession at all, I mean, I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was interested in him in a romantic way. I sighed, I felt like punching him even more now. “Oh..” he smiled awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to insult you.. I’m sorry.” His apology didn’t make me feel better. “Too late.” I felt like when I got mad I had a tendency to act like a brat but I didn’t feel sorry for that.

“H-Hinata-kun.. I.. it’s just that.. what you’re saying, I don’t understand.” he seemed beyond puzzled, like if I spoke to him in some other language. Actually, I think that we both had a hard time understanding each other. His words stung me right where it hurts but soon the ones which followed soothed me to the point that I forgot about the pain. “b-but.. I’m happy and honored to hear that.” he breathed in and out and took a while to calm down. When he looked at me once again I couldn’t see any trace of the overwhelming darkness I’d seen in them before. “Thank you.” his face regained some color and he smiled sincerely at me. It was the kind of smile I could never forget. Also, I felt like the tension was slowly fading away and I could finally relax.    


End file.
